My sister

My sister loves to go thrift shopping. Frankly, I don’t see the allure of paying money for someone else’s old clothes. If they didn’t want the crap, why should I? I asked her this a while back, and she regaled me with stories of the bargains she got. I can’t deny this. You can get some really cheap stuff. Or was it ‘stuff really cheap’? I’m sure it’s one of the two.

She says you can buy three blouses for forty-dollars, instead of one for twenty-five. What a bargain! The thing is, she doesn’t need any blouses, just the bargains. I asked her husband over beers one night, “If she doesn’t need this stuff, what happens to all her bargains.” Ted just sighed, and said, she donates the junk back to the thrift stores.

Am I wrong??

Look, I may have been too drunk to think rationally, and you can tell me if I’m wrong.  But the way I see it is like this; She buys hundreds of dollars’ worth of thrift store clothes, hangs them in her closet for six-months, then takes them out and donates them back to the store she bought them from. She’s paying tons of cash for the privilege to be a lady’s clothing warehouse!!

Then again, there are advantages to paying for the pleasure of storing clothing. Each time she makes a donation, the store gives her a coupon. You may ask, “What could this fantastic coupon be for? Could it be for lunch at an expensive restaurant, or exclusive resort?” Yea, you might ask that. But please don’t, the answer is just too depressing

That fabulous coupon is for a discount at the thrift store. This is a great deal for her. Now, she can pay much less money for the joy of storing all those clothes. I guess money can buy happiness. It just requires a lot of extra closet space.

It was just a suggestion

Once I suggested she ask the place to pay her warehousing fees. You know, for additional happiness. She thought I was nuts. Okay I am, but at least I know enough to not pay tons of cash to provide a service.

Another thing about thrift shopping is; It seems to be against the law to do it on you own. You’re supposed to shop in herds. Who knew?? I went to city council, and asked why. They informed there is no such law. In fact, the lady looked at me like I had two heads the moment I suggested it. She was about to go into an hour-long lecture about how ridiculous the mere idea of such a law was, but her friend called to say a bunch of them were going shopping. She shooed me out, closed the office, and left for the day. I think I proved my point.

Different people, different stories

One of my sister’s shopping buddies is a woman named Kat. Kat thrift shops with a greater sense of purpose. She is an online reseller. Instead of paying high prices just to be a warehouse, she pays thrift stores all her hard-earned cash to become another thrift store. All this time, I was under the impression that to have a successful second-hand business you had to rely on donations. Again, who knew?

The thing is, Kat is a savvy businesswoman. Her online store does make a bit of money. What boggles my brain is; She took all that cash, and rented a storage facility. Now, she has ten times the space to warehouse ten times the stuff she spent ten times the cash on. She sorts, shelves, cleans and catalogues all that inventory. Then she locks the doors and shuts out any walk-in trade. You have to have a computer to visit her shoppe. I just don’t get it.

I visited that storage facility. It’s amazing. She has bins, boxes, shelves, and a guard chihuahua, named Spike. She’s afraid of big dogs and Spike is just, “SOOO Cuuute.” I asked where she got all that crap. She told me she used her earnings.

“How could it be enough to buy all this” I wondered. It wasn’t!! She informed me, the set up required her to take out a loan. Because of her business, she not only pays to store used clothing. She went into debt for it! This baffles me. If this is the happiness money buys, you can have my share!!

The more the merrier

Also remember, two ladies shopping together just isn’t enough. They have three friends who go with them. Now, you’d think with all these folks, they’d have a specific day and time every week for their excursions. You’d be wrong! Different stores have different sales at different times. The Normandy invasion took less planning than these outings.

The problem is, they never talk while planning these trips. They treat them like CIA black-ops. I’m sure they’d use invisible ink, if they could. Instead, they set up pages on Facebook only the five of them can access. The threads go something like this;

Or maybe not

Mary suggests they get together on Tuesday. Kat can’t go Tuesday, but says she’s free on Wednesday. Amy, says there’s a sale at Store A on Tuesday, but the sale moves to Store B on Wednesday. Cindy would rather go to Store C, but there is no sale. Sue doesn’t care just let her know.

Mary suggests they go on Wednesday, but to avoid the sale crowds. Store C seems to be the best choice. Everyone shoots back that Store C is too expensive. Cindy, gets a bit upset, but agrees to go with the rest. Kat comes back, suggesting Store D as a compromise. Sue doesn’t care just let her know.

Mary, as the unnamed leader, sets everything for Wednesday at 9am. Amy says 9 is too late and suggests 8am. Cindy texts she can’t possibly go until 10am because she has to feed her thirty-six cats in the morning. Kat complains that all the best stuff will be gone by 10, and asks for 9:30 at least. Sue doesn’t care just let her know.

Mary almost has things settled, then suddenly Cindy suggests Thursday because her son will be home to take care of the cats. Amy agrees, and tells them the best sale is Store C on Thursday. Sadly, no one but Cindy wants to go to Store C. Kat says they should hit all four stores since they can get out so much earlier. The others all whine that four stores are too many. Sue doesn’t care just let her know.

Mary suggests going to Store A, and B on Thursday because the prices are pretty good even without the sale and it’s open earlier. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, Sally chimes in with going to Store E. It’s further away but they haven’t been there in a while. All of a sudden, everyone wants to go to Store E. Cindy even suggests, since they’re so far out they should go to lunch. They all agree.

Then the process starts all over again when they can’t decide where lunch should be. Things are only decided when Sue threatens to poison all their lunches.

Then next week they do it all over again.

Sheesh!!