For those of you who aren't me…and I've noticed a surprisingly large number of people who aren't.
Doctors I love doctors. You will almost never hear me say a negative word about them. They look great in their white coats carrying clipboards. By now, you must realize, in this country looking great is of primary importance. It doesn’t matter whether you know what you are doing, if you look great then everything’s …
Continue reading There Aren’t Any Smaller Words Than “NO”!!!
Things Have you ever done a thing? Then another thing happens, and all of a sudden you think of a third thing. Which should be a thing completely unrelated to the other things, but after thing-ing the things a bit longer, you find both things tell you things about the third thing. The third thing …
Continue reading Everything You Learned Is Wrong!! Well In Kindergarten Anyway
Thinking Deep Thoughts Every so often I sit back to ponder one of life’s great ponderables. Usually, the process of pondering ponderables, is precluded by pondering a peckish place, which promptly places my ponderings precisely upon pizza. And as we all know, pizza promptly replaces all previous ponderings, period. Bet you can’t say that five …
I don't understand I once attended a comedy show. It was excellent except for one part. The headliner started a joke by saying how he hated ‘Stupid People.’ Then he proceeded to talk about these people, and his hatred, for over half an hour. I don’t understand. If he hates these folks as much as …
Universal ponderinderings In the scope of all the problems in the universe, I guess this one isn’t really in the top ten. Actually, it might not even be in my top ten, but it annoys the snot out of me. I’m told to be patient. I’m told to accept the world as it is. You …
Continue reading A Man’s Pepperoni Is Not Necessarily The Best Sausage
Being a parent is hard As a parent I feel it is my duty to impart the wisdom I have gained upon my children. However, as a former child I’m fully aware, none of them are going to listen to me. That’s okay though. It’s all part of nature’s wonderful pattern. Children know everything, all …
For animal lovers... I am an animal lover. Okay, I’ve never kissed a crocodile, or snuggled a Burmese python, so I guess I don’t love animals all that much. Then again from what I hear, I can truly say I don’t love animals as much, or in the way that Kathryn the Great loved horses. …
Whiney Daughters I have come to the conclusion that it’s never a good idea to ask your teenaged daughter, if there is something wrong. If you do, she will undoubtedly tell you, in very long sentences, with very dramatic expressions. It’s usually a show worthy of Shakespeare except for one thing; The admission price is …
Continue reading And Then There Were Three! OMG Will It Ever End??
I thought you could trust books Okay enough is too much! My childhood has been officially ruined. It was ruined by a book. Books were always our friends. Books took us to far-off, imaginary places. Books got you out of studying for your algebra test. It’s true. When my mother asked if I was studying, …
Continue reading Snidley Whiplash, Where Are You When We Need You??
My Grandparents tradition My grandparents had a seven-foot, aluminum foil, Christmas tree every year. It stood on a base that spun it around. On it hung blue and green balls, nothing else. Above it was a yellow light and below was a spinning thing that changed the floodlight illuminating it from red to blue to …
Continue reading New (to me) Holiday Traditions That I Don’t Understand
Mr. Ohh!'s Sideways View 