Snidley Whiplash, Where Are You When We Need You??

I thought you could trust books Okay enough is too much! My childhood has been officially ruined. It was ruined by a book. Books were always our friends. Books took us to far-off, imaginary places. Books got you out of studying for your algebra test. It’s true. When my mother asked if I was studying, …

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New (to me) Holiday Traditions That I Don’t Understand

My Grandparents tradition My grandparents had a seven-foot, aluminum foil, Christmas tree every year. It stood on a base that spun it around. On it hung blue and green balls, nothing else. Above it was a yellow light and below was a spinning thing that changed the floodlight illuminating it from red to blue to …

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I Earned It!! I Want That Rose Or Else!

It started so simply 88 Open mouth, insert foot, close mouth. 89 Open mouth, insert foot, close mouth. Oh, I’m sorry, I’m being punished and have to write that one hundred times. Yes, you heard correct. Mr. Ohh! is being disciplined because I did something that not only embarrassed the heck out of one of …

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I Won’t Do It!! And They Can’t Make Me!!!

There are many conspiracy theories all over the globe about shadow governments and secret societies that are hiding in the background covertly running the world for their own fun, profit, and most likely to get some cute girls, because they’re all funny looking. You see, I have found the best-looking women are attracted to powerful …

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Don’t Worry, Your Father Knows… NOTHING!!

As the father, it is believed that I know everything. My wife believes it, and my children call me the fountain of eternal knowledge. I love these titles and would do anything to maintain this air of mystique, except for one tiny little problem. It’s all a load of refried-monkey-dung. I don’t know what bunk …

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