A Visit From St Mayhem

  • Twas the night before Christmas and all through the place
  • Dad’s annoyance was growing. He had a red face.
  • The stockings were hung in the corner by string
  • One wonders why tradition would make such a thing?
  • The children were nestled all snug in their beds
  • While electronic visions danced in their heads
  • With mom in her jammies and me sans the cap
  • Were sitting at table with presents to wrap
  • When out on the lawn there arose drunken noise
  • I jumped up swearing to go yell at those boys
  • Away to the window I was not apt to creep
  • Threw it open and screamed “We are trying to sleep!”
  • The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
  • Showed me a drunken reveler, who respect did not show
  • When, what to my wondering eyes should appear
  • A one-fingered salute and a man baring his rear
  • With a little old driver whose head moved so quick
  • I knew in a moment he was going to be sick
  • More rapid than eagles I turned from the scene
  • But knocked over a display, so I now had to clean
  • Now Dasher, now Dancer, now Prancer, and Cupid
  • I picked up them all. But I felt oh so stupid
  • To the top of the shelf I replaced them and spoke
  • “Hey Honey, I think Rudolph is finally broke.”
  • As dry leaves before a wild hurricane fly
  • My wife turned and stood with a glare in her eye
  • So up to full ire she was shaking her fist
  • See Rudolf was favorite the top of the list
  • And then in a twinkling my wife hit the roof
  • “You broke off two legs, his head and a hoof!”
  • As I drew in my hand and adjusted my view
  • “I think I can fix it. All I need is hot glue.”
  • He was covered in fur, it was going to be tough
  • But I tinkered and worked till I hoped was enough
  • A bundle of toys couldn’t have made her smile bigger
  • I had done a good job so like a school girl she sniggered
  • Her eyes, how they twinkled, her smile how glowing
  • I gave her a hug; our true love was showing.
  • My droll little mouth was drawn up in a bow
  • Then I remembered that guy out in the snow.
  • The stump of a pipe I grabbed, just for show
  • Then I went out to see the old man in the snow
  • He had a broad face and a beard colored toffee
  • He was barely conscious, so I got him some coffee
  • He was chubby and wobbled as he sipped on his drink
  • Then he smiled, said thanks, and I started to think
  • A wink of his eye and a raise of his cup
  • Soon gave me to know he was sobering up
  • He spoke not a word but he belched a few times
  • Then he went for his keys, which I knew was a crime
  • And laying a finger my kindness had shown
  • I sat in his seat and then drove him home
  • We sprang to his door, to his wife gave a smile
  • She thanked me so much. He’d been out quite a while
  • But I heard him exclaim as he went in his place
  • “Happy Christmas to all” Then he fell on his face
  • His wife thanked me again, and mine drove me home
  • She said there should be a red hat on my dome
  • She smiled at me and her words gave me pause
  • She said, “Sometimes everyone needs Santa Claus.”
  • So, this is my card, From me to you
  • Happy Christmas To All, From Ohh!’s Sideways View

A sideways view from the other side. Dedicated to my friend Dawne R. Let me know whet you think at Ohhssidewaysview@gmail.com

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