Family history

I remember when I was about twenty, my siblings and I all got together for a game night. There were all six of us, several better halves, and three folks my family just adopted for no apparent reason. They were just always around, and nobody asked why. They could’ve been homeless for all I know, and just showed up at my mother’s house for the free beer.

That’s an amazing thing. My mother hated beer, but she always had beer in the fridge, in case someone came over. And it worked. People came over a lot, even when you didn’t want them. I mean if I knew of a place, I could get free beer most of the time, I’d go there a lot. Hang on a second. I was there a lot. I lived there. Although, it would’ve been nice if she kept a kind of beer I liked in the fridge. But it was for company, like those silly little towels she kept in the bathroom. Then again, my mother could’ve been nuts. That would explain a lot, but it wouldn’t get me back to this post.

Party time

Anyway, we were all sitting around the dining room table playing some of the most cutthroat boardgames you ever saw. From the noise around the table, any sensible person would’ve thought we hated each other. At one point, my brother started saying he was getting revenge on my sister for something she did when they were four. Thing is, when the bloodstains were cleaned, we all laughed like idiots, and what went on with our lives. They call this family. I call it world federation wrestling, without the choke-holds. Well, choke-holds are less prevalent, anyway. But either way, I’m getting away from the point.

The point is; There was pizza, beer, soda, somebody with a token stuck in his ear, (don’t ask but I will say it had to be removed at the emergency room), and a lot of noise. So much noise in fact, the police came. Luckily, he was a friend of my sister’s husband. We just handed the guy a Coke, asked him and his partner to join the game, and all was well. Yes, I lived in a weird neighborhood.

I could go on about that night for a long time… Well actually I couldn’t, I don’t remember a lot of it due to too much excitement and being over stimulated. Yea, let’s go with that. It’s as good an excuse as any. Getting back to the point; There was a lot of people and a lot more noise than there should’ve been.

It’s all new

Fast forward to last weekend, my daughter had a little get-together. There were two friends, her boyfriend, her brothers, and their significant others. Eight people in all. I was in the other room reading. This doesn’t sound so bad until you think about the fact I was able to read. They weren’t making any noise at all. After about fifteen minutes, I walked in and started checking pulses. This was supposed to be a party, and it looked to me more like a bunch of mannequins. I asked what the heck they were doing.

It seems they were playing a card game with rules I don’t come close to understanding. Thing is they all told me how much fun they were having. Fun? Not trying to sound like an old man, but back in my day, fun was supposed to be loud. I was told that being loud was rude. Then I noticed it. When anyone finished their turn, they put down their cards and started texting. And just who were they texting while playing their game? Everybody!!

Text me

They were texting each other. They were texting other friends. They were probably texting their enemies. For all I know they could have been texting Puff the Magic Dragon. My son said he was texting his friend in Japan, who wouldn’t see it until tomorrow. Then again, it was tomorrow in Japan. But you know what I mean. Frankly, the only person they weren’t texting was me. It really made me feel left out.

The reason they were doing all this texting was to include more friends in their party. I understand that. What I don’t understand is that none of the friends had any cards to play. It seemed to me like calling someone from a keg party, and making them drink their own beer. It’s just not the same.

What was really baffling was when they would text each other. They were all in the same room. I confess, I felt like I was being left out of some high security meeting. At one point I glanced at my son’s phone, only to see messages from the others supposedly laughing out loud at some joke. If it was so funny why was no one, you know, Laughing Out Loud? If you’re not making a sound, there’s no ‘out loud’ about it. It’s kind of the definition.

That would be like me saying I was flying, while my feet were planted firmly on the ground. Of course, there were a lot of those parties in the seventies… But we’re not talking about those now. Are we?

Taken to extremes

All this made me think of the high-level negotiations I keep hearing about on the news. I can just imagine, the president of Fraggletonia, sending texts to some runner, who texts it to the American negotiator. He or she then texts it all to another runner who forwards it to the governor of Slobotnik. I know these things can get heated, did they have to decide on which platform, Apple or Android, before they started? If this was the case why does everybody have to fly to Switzerland? Texting goes around the world.

If things keep going this way, would I have to text the guy who fixes my car? I’d drive the car to the parking lot, walk into the office, look the mechanic in the face, then send him a text. That’s a terrible idea. I’m not sure the guy who fixes my car can read. But that’s beside the point. It’s a bad idea even if he can.

A friend of mine has published seven books and has never spoken to anyone at the publishing house. He just sends over a text to say he has a new book. They text back if they want to see it. He sends the book by email, and they give him a date of publication. Sure, book publication is about promoting reading, but this is ridiculous!

At the movies

Where will it all end? I don’t want to go to the movies and have them text me the soundtrack. It would lose something in the translation. It would probably go something like this:

Boom, boom

Hey sarge, I don’t think I can make it.

Crash boom boom Rata-tata-tatat

You’ve got to hang on Johnson, Swoop swoop swoop swoop. The choppers are here.

Explosion then music

Yes, John, I love you, but what about my husband? (sorry you were looking at your phone and didn’t notice the scene changed)

My kids may like this…

But I Could Never Get Used To It!!!