Well much to my dismay another fitness center has opened up around the corner from my house. This makes four centers within easy walking distance from my humble abode. Oh boy! If that doesn’t make you want to sweat, I don’t know what will. Now don’t get me wrong, I am all for being healthy. It’s just that I prefer comfortably healthy verses aggressively healthy.
Let me give you an example which happened last week. I was walking past one of these centers and was accosted by a very young lady in very tight spandex. She wanted me to sign up and get fit. I tried to say “No thanks,’ but she wouldn’t let me. “Look at me,” she quipped. “How old do you think I am?”
Now when I hear this question I expect to be blown away by the answer. Like if she would have said she was sixty. I would have been impressed because she looked to be about twenty-five. I said fifteen think she would start to laugh and I could make my escape in fit of laughter. Not so much. She gave me a HUH, and told me she was twenty-six. Bragging how she didn’t look her age and that working out, and healthy eating were the reasons she looked so youthful. Then she invited me to join her club again.
First of all, let me say nobody shows their age at twenty-six whether the work-out or not. Second, your body doesn’t start betraying you until thirty-five, forty if you eat right. Twenty-six? I’d like to see her pink spandex body in twenty years after a couple of kids. If she still looks that good, then I’ll be impressed.
Anyway, I gave her a second, “Not today,” and tried to move away. She called to me, “Wouldn’t you like a girlfriend who looks like I do?” I walked back, smiled a lecherous grin, and ask if she was applying for the job. Well I finally gave her an answer she wasn’t expecting, because she got an odd look on her face, and flipped the safety off on her can of pepper spray. Knowing I was in trouble, I backed off and told her my wife didn’t approve of me having girlfriends.
That’s another thing. The millennials are just way too high strung. If I would have made that exact comment to a slightly older woman, she would have laughed it off and told me I couldn’t handle her as a girlfriend. An even older woman would have taken me up on the offer, and then I would have been the one to have to defend myself. But I’m getting away from my story.
So, I mentioned I was married and the situation relaxed. Again, I tried to escape, but she kept on, “What does your wife think of that body?” I didn’t know how to answer that. I mean we’ve never discussed it. She must like it well enough; I’m allowed walk around the back yard without a shirt, and it’s okay for me to go with her to the store in shorts and a tight T-shirt. She does take issue with the socks and sandals look, but that’s more bad style as opposed to a bad body. Either way I came up with, what I thought, was a great answer. “My wife loves me the way I am thanks.” I turned to leave again.