Lets start this off

American Thanksgiving has passed, and that means the Christmas season has officially begun. Well, for me anyway. Others, like to start the holiday at various times. But I’m not really very concerned about them. This is my post and I’ll start Christmas whenever I want. So there.

The reason I know this is the correct start of the season is because of the numerous traditions. It provides enough time to get them all in, without being forced to watch all two-hundred-thirty-seven versions of A Christmas Carol in one day. Yes, this touching story is a holiday tradition. The thing is; Do we really need everyone, from Hollywood to London’s west end, to portray Scrooge?

Movie magic

Where I live, every person with a garage and a spotlight puts on a live version of this classic story. I find this odd because the show is full of ghosts, and I can’t get my head around ‘Live Ghosts’. Isn’t being dead a kind of requirement? Even zombies who walk around all the time admit to being dead, and not ‘Live’. But I guess that’s just me.

If you don’ like Ebeneezer, you could always watch one of the one-hundred-seventeen versions of, It’s a Wonderful Life. (including the Muppets I might add) Or perhaps one of the twenty-five versions of How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

The Grinch may not have the numbers of the other two, but it comes with its own enigma. The original How the Grinch Stole Christmas, is a children’s book warning against the commercialization of Christmas. When I was young it was usually broadcast twice a year. Along with seven to ten minutes of toy commercials. What’s the message here? You don’t have to spend any money to have the Christmas spirit, but go ahead and overspend anyway?

And it gets stranger

These stories aside, for me the holiday season is all about traditions. And the great thing about this is everyone has their own. I have a friend who was a fashion model for several years. Her and her husband have the tradition of decorating the tree on the Saturday after Thanksgiving wearing only their underwear. Don’t ask me how this got started? Frankly, I don’t want to know.

My brother-in-law has an Aunt Mae. Her tradition is to buy a new perfume every year. Then take a shower in it before going to his holiday party. To make matters worse, she has a fondness for very strong spicey scents. I’ve been to this party. Trust me, if you have breathing issues you don’t want to go. Then again if you don’t, you probably will after you meet Mae.

This takes the cake

My mother made fruitcakes for many years and gave them out as gifts. This was a great tradition. Those things were delicious. The thing is there is a right way and about ten thousand wrong ways to make a fruitcake. The year after she moved and had to stop, my sister took over. She had the correct recipe, but was frugal with the ingredients. Also, she doesn’t drink and decided premium brandy was unnecessary. I think she replaced it with Kool-Aid. Either way we have a new tradition at our holiday get-togethers. Instead of making sure we get a piece of the cake, we now try to make sure we don’t.

One of my favorite holiday traditions has to do with shopping for gifts. I hate it. Consequently, I had to find a way to endure. I started going to lunch at a restaurant by the mall. I’d have a yummy meal and about seven beers. Then I was ready to shop. I admit, I spent a lot more money than I would have otherwise. On the other hand, I’m known for giving the best gifts every year. Appearances are everything.

When I told my family about my system, the tradition changed a bit. My brothers wanted to join, and become great gift givers as well. Then, one year, we all got together for shopping preparation time, and have been doing so ever since. I won’t say there aren’t any negatives to this system. We have gotten thrown out of Toys-R-Us once. And Macy’s, and American Eagle Outfitters, and don’t forget Barnes and Noble’s Booksellers. There was that incident at Victoria’s Secret as well. Can you imagine five drunk guys in a ladies’ lingerie shop? Hey, they didn’t press charges, and we were out of jail in just a few hours. Really, you’ve got to love traditions.

It’s nice to Share

Of course, not all traditions are the same. My family enjoys sharing a holiday season virus every year. We even give prizes to the one who has the highest fever of the season. I didn’t win, but I did get an Honorable Mention last year. It’s also fun to see who comes home with the bug first. Sometimes, one of us will sniffle. Then, when we wait the incubation period, nothing! I admit since they’ve been out of school there’ve been a lot more false-alarms. But, no worries. With all of our jobs and the shopping, someone is bound to bring something home.

One year, we included my son’s girlfriend in our tradition. She wasn’t as receptive to it as you might think. I told him to break up with her. If she doesn’t understand our contagious little family, it’s for the best. She came around though. Now-a-days she can cough and sneeze with the best of us. Louder than some.

Then again, we’ve tried some things which never caught on, to becoming traditions. Take the German pickle thing. As I understand it, you hide a pickle in your tree. The kid who finds it has good luck for the whole year. Sounds good but it doesn’t work well in practice.

Now That’s just gross

First, the folks who thought of this never had Wonder-Dog. She loves pickles. As I placed it and she smelled it, my life became a living Hell just trying to keep that dog away from the tree. When I wasn’t looking, she climbed the thing to get to the pickle. Have I mentioned that dogs can’t climb trees? They can however get high enough to destroy the balance, topple the tree, break several heirloom ornaments, and give the rabbit a nervous breakdown. And I thought Capn’ Blood was dangerous. Let’s just say an upset rabbit can put you in the hospital faster than any cat. So much for cute, and cuddly.

Also, my kids had outside lives at the time. They didn’t go looking for the pickle. Have you any idea how gross a non-refrigerated twenty-day-old pickle can get when stashed in a plastic tree. The acid actually ate through two of the branches. Then it mushed up and bonded with one of the light strands. I had to throw out a one-hundred-thirty-dollar tree, lights, ornaments, and all. Ewwww!

The sad thing is Halmark movies never seem to show my traditions. Cutting down a tree and caroling, don’t even come close to sitting around the tree watching the most recent Star Trek and Star Wars holiday movies. Your family probably didn’t even know these existed.

And you thought your holiday traditions were strange. HA!!