Fall Back On Something Soft… Ware

The other day I heard a motivational speaker say, “Everyone should have a Fallback Career.” Frankly when I first heard it, I was confused. I just couldn’t see how falling backwards could be a career. I mean somebody might give you a few bucks to see you fall once or twice, but to make a career out of it, I don’t think so. As of that moment, I began to doubt everything the man said, because he was obviously nuts.

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Then he explained himself. What a Fallback Career means is you should have another idea of something you can do to make money, besides whatever you’re doing. This is in case you do something really stupid at work, and your boss screams that you’re a loser and will never fry hamburgers again. Just for the record it was one of those cooking shows that told me meat cooked better at a higher temp. Who’d have thought one-thousand degrees was too high. That is IF that’s what happened and how you got fired. I mean hypothetically. Seriously, it’s never happened to me, but if it had, the manager would have been a real idiot for not seeing my culinary brilliance. Maybe I should change the subject.

Anyway, I never had a Fallback, and it was worrying me. You see an exceptional fellow like me should be able to do just about anything. But my talents often go unrecognized. But, what should I focus on for my contingency plan?

I had already tried the whole supermodel thing. I did okay, except I was always the “before” picture. I made several commercials where I didn’t go to the right bank, fly the best airline, or buy the correct furniture. Better looking people did all of those things. It was all quite depressing. The world was seeing Mr. Ohh! as a loser. I couldn’t have that, so I quit. I tried so many other things and was equally unsuccessful. I thought I would never have a back-up plan. That is until I met Indren Haba.

  Indren is a brilliant computer geek. He can make those machines do just about anything. What he’s best at is coding. When he showed me some of his stuff, I knew I had found my partner. He also has all the best qualities you could want in a business partner. He’s highly intelligent, he is motivated, and he’s thirteen. Which means he works cheap and believes everything I tell him. He once asked if three-dollars-an-hour was good money. I told him, “My father made that very same wage”, (forty years ago). Indren bought it.

Anyway, the two of us embarked on our mission to replace Microsoft Office in our world. Nice goal, huh? We set up a company called, “I Haba Code.” We assigned duties. Indren was to do all the computer work, and I was to sit, drink soda, and provide inspiration. Let me tell you the kid’s a genius. If he couldn’t figure a problem out, he knew exactly how go to on the internet and hack it off of someone’s priority website. Some call this larceny, but I prefer the term Solving an Issue.

It wasn’t long until we were almost able to market our first product. It’s a data storage, forecasting, and calculating program called, wait for it, Ohh! Sheet. The name alone causes one to think about how good it must be. What’s best is its versatility. How many times have you had to take a sheet and move it? Well just try our program and you’ll yell, “Ohh! Sheet! That was easy!”

Those marketing gurus say the name of a product is crucial to how it will be accepted by the general public. Well I think the names of the programs in my software suite will just roll off the tongue. Along with Ohh! Sheet, there’s the writing program called Ohh! My Word, the calendar called Day Ohh! and the search engine called Bing Ohh!. Yes, sing it with me, …and Bing Ohh! was its name-oh. Just a little marketing humor there. And the first person who yells “Very little humor!” won’t get the free offer.

Actually no one will get the free offer, because there isn’t one. The promotion I was thinking about was to offer the whole software package for free and charge $350.00 for shipping and handling. Then some humorless curmudgeon, threw a hurricane at my parade and told me this practice was illegal. Spoil Sport. Another great marketing idea destroyed by the feds.

Either way, most of the programs really aren’t ready for release yet. Indren is worried about bugs and wants to run a beta test in a closed community. I immediately saw the flaw in that plan. You see I live in a housing development with only one access road. The thing is, the maintenance people spray for bugs twice a year. Therefore, there are no bugs in my closed community.

Also, I have no idea what the second letter of the Greek alphabet has to do with anything. Is a beta test the second test in a series? Will we have to preform a delta test, a gamma test, and so on through to the omega test? With all that testing we’ll never release the product. Now I know how Windows-8 got released. It was buggier than a termite mound. If they only did the beta test and skipped the rest, I guess I can see the issue. But all that testing takes time. Sure, Indren is thirteen. He can afford to be patient and eat from mom’s kitchen for another few years. But this is my Fallback Career. In these uncertain times, I could be let-go at any moment. I need a revenue stream.

I thought about the whole crowd-funding idea, but then found out, the people who donate to you want stuff in return. That’s hardly fair. What ever happened to simply giving without expectations, and then basking in the warm feeling it gives you?

Of course, there’s another hitch, Indren wants to be paid as well. Sure, he did all the work but I did the hard part, and thought up the cool names. That boy would be nothing without me. As soon as I told him this, he protected the Mr. Ohh! files, built himself a website, and turned I Haba Code into an on-line consulting business.  Now he has a Fallback income and I don’t. Life just isn’t fair. Am I the only one who sees this?

Maybe that’s what I need to do. I should show the world what it has lost in all this greed, and consumption. That’s just what I’ll do.

“Hey, people of the world, this is Mr. Ohh! and I want you to feel good about yourself. Send me ten-dollars, and that little act of generosity will give you a warm-and-fuzzy feeling money can’t buy. This feeling is my gift to you. If by chance you’re not getting the feeling, send me another ten-dollars. Keep it up until you have the greatest feeling your generous heart can muster. I am willing to sacrifice myself and keep your cash, because I want you to feel great. Aren’t I wonderful?” 0100


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