Start with a question

Here’s a question for all those ultra-intelligent techies in Silicon Valley: If AI is so smart, why can’t they teach it to lie and click those little boxes that say, “I am not a robot”? Don’t even try to tell me it’s because they’re too noble, and can’t make AI lie. That’s garbage. AI is used to mislead us every day.

Answer something totally different than what was asked

For instance, I belong to no political party. However, by the time candidates are to be selected, I’m usually pretty tired of the incumbent, so I look to select the best choice from the opposing party. In the US, this is called a primary election. In computers this is called a reason to spam my phone, email, social media, and bookshelves. I don’t know how they do it, but suddenly everything which was on the right side moves to the left.

It’s actually kind of funny. Right up to election day I’m getting calls about how the republicans are destroying the country, and I should money. Then the day after, I start getting calls telling me the democrats are destroying the country, and I should send money. It’s supposed to be a secret ballot, but the AI sure knows what party I went with.

Ohh, and about the whole money thing; Most of the candidates have millions of dollars in their coffers and I don’t. I’m very open minded and try to weigh all sides when I make choices about how I’m governed. But I solidly against sending money to people who have more of it than I do. Call me crazy. But I’m getting off topic. I wanted to talk about AI, not AS… Well, you know.

As long as you can prove it

I don’t know about you, but the whole, “I am not a robot” thing, bugs the snot out of me. I was filling out a form for my daughter’s school the other day and at the bottom it said I had to prove I wasn’t a robot. How does one do that while online? It can’t see me bleed.

The robots in Westworld were very convincing. As well as being played by Yule Brenner. So, you can’t go with just your face.

The way they did it on this form was something called CAPTCHA. This is where they take random letters and numbers, mess their forms up, and then ask you to type them in. Supposedly a robot can’t read messed up letters, so this will prove you’re human. Well, I’ve got news for you. I can’t read them either. What’s worse is when I can’t decide whether a letter is a ‘T’ or an ‘I’. I pick the wrong one. OOPS! Instead of letting me try again the CAPTCHA gives me a different set of letters. So, I’m guessing all over again.

After five tries, the form concluded I was a robot, and shut me out of the form. I called the school and tried to get a paper copy. “Oh no,” they said. All they did was to re-enable the form, so I could fill it out, and face the dreaded CAPTCHA all over again. No, I’m not a robot but I’m not an abstract art interpreter either. Geez!

New and (not so) improved

Of course, now there’s reCAPTCHA v1. This is where the computer shows you pictures and asks you to identify the traffic lights. Now that’s stupid. Do those security folks, really think the Bot software, which can identify the nuances of my face, can’t find a traffic light? Get a clue guys and gals.

And in v2 it’s just click the box. Like I asked before, “Can’t AI click a box?” I think they’re scamming me. They want me to feel secure, but they know in reality I’m not.

The reason I ask all these questions is because I eat fast food. Okay. You’re right. It’s not fast, and it really shouldn’t be considered food. But that’s a discussion for another time. As I’ve described, the aforementioned security measures probably wouldn’t stop a robot. A better question for these tests would be; “Are you a fast-food worker?” If this offends you because you do work in that industry, and are highly intelligent, I have two things to say. I’m sorry to you specifically, and would you come and work in my neighborhood? We really need you bad!  To all the others, you get nothing.

It’s here but you can’t have it

An example of my frustration is this. The other day I ordered chicken. The person asked what kind of sauce I wanted. I told them, pulled around, and paid. When I received my food, I looked for the sauce. It was missing. I asked for it. They said oops and brought me the wrong sauce. I told them. They told me the sauce I wanted was discontinued. I showed them the six posters advertising the sauce, for another two weeks. Their response was, “Oh, I guess we better take those down.”

I happened to be around there a week later. You guessed it. The posters advertising the discontinued sauce were still hanging in the window. I just bet that person, couldn’t recognize the traffic light, but I digress.

Another story is that I love onions but am allergic to pickles. I once ordered a burger with extra onions and no pickles. I paid and went to wait at a table. And wait I did. After ten minutes, I actually dozed, waking up a few minutes later.

Upon waking, there was no food on my table. I looked at the time and realized I was going to be late getting where I was going, so I went to the counter and asked for my burger. It was still being made twenty-three minutes later. Apparently, there was an issue in the drive-thru and, since as I was eating in, mine was bumped to fix the problem quickly. They apologized and offered to make it.

I told them I no longer had any time, and demanded a refund. Two managers were called to the front. Neither knew how to do that. They had to call the head manager who talked them through it over the phone. I got my money. As I was leaving someone handed me a sandwich, stating they cooked it while I was getting my refund.

I went to where I needed to be. It was a kid’s party where I was to do magic. Twenty minutes later I saw the burger sitting on my car seat. As I was still hungry, I took a big bite. It tasted funny and then I started itching. The slip pasted to it did say no pickle and extra onions, but the sandwich was No Onion Extra Pickle. I ran to a drugstore and started popping antihistamines. I’m positive those food workers couldn’t have even clicked the boxes, saying they weren’t a robot. Let alone the whole traffic light thing.

Ends with a bigger question

I know everyone has a story of getting your food with a bag of fries missing. As it’s everyone, it causes me to wonder. I know I worked at a burger joint, way back when. But could there be a multinational corporation creating robotic fast-food workers?

Forget alien autopsies, this is the conspiracy I want to see uncovered.