It’s all fun…

I was listening to streaming audio today and heard something more idiotic than I am. It was an ad for a pharmacy telling us they provide immunization shots. Instead of saying, “Hi folks. We give shots, so come on in, and get one.” They told us a story: Mom is all enthusiastic and tells the kids to hurry and jump in the car. The kids ask where they’re going? Mom excitedly shouts, “We’re getting our flu shots!” The kids yell, “Hooray!”

I can’t even begin to tell you how wrong this is. Actually, I can begin to tell. I just lied to you. Sorry folks. In point of fact, I can tell you all my reasons for hating this, beginning, middle and end. Why, then did I tell you I couldn’t? I have no idea. I’m just supposed to use the literary device of saying I can’t, because it makes what I say next more dramatic. Are you all on the edge of your seats? Yes! Good, I can continue.

Until somebody applies logic

The problem is, no child in the world would scream hooray over getting an injection. Heck, the mom probably wouldn’t either. I get a flu shot every year, but I don’t mark my calendar, and celebrate the event. It’s nasty, and it hurts. If this mother raised her kids to enjoy being stuck by needles, this should be an ad for more stringent child safety laws, and not some random drugstore.

Then again, no marketer in the world would use my basic approach. It’s truthful but has no pizzazz. Theirs has lots of pizzazz, but is completely unbelievable. Frankly, if my kids ever begged me to get a shot, I’d shoot them, but not with a needle. Enough said!

Maybe, Maybe not

Not to be outdone, a bit later I heard another commercial from a drug manufacturer. They wanted me to ask my doctor about an inoculation they produce. Now, I’m not real fond of drug-makers advertising. However, it’s especially upsetting when they clearly state, “80 percent of everyone don’t need this at all, but you should let us stick you anyway.”

Those are my words, not theirs. But the sentiment is undoubtedly there. If your kid is nine or older, get them this shot. Whether they need it or not. You never know. So, what the hell?

I have often said that I embrace my idiocy. But I don’t hold a candle to advertising people. They take stupidity to a completely new level. Take a sign advertising our local Oktoberfest. The billboard has the dates and location in bold letters, and the picture of a young girl in traditional German garb holding four mugs of beer.

She don’t look like that

The most attention-grabbing part of this ad is, of course, the photo. As you look upon this smiling lassie, her outfit stands out. I mean it stands almost unbelievably far out. It reminds me of two bald guys trying to dig their way out of a white cloth prison. If you catch my drift. The thing is, I know the girl who modeled for this photo. She’s the daughter of a clown friend of mine. Trust me when I say this, Meghan never looked like that. She has a rather petite figure. Can we say airbrushed photo?

Added to all this, is the fact that I’ve been to this party. The servers don’t wear traditional clothes. They wear Tee-Shirts marked “STAFF” Most are women in their forties whose figures have surrendered to beer years ago. Don’t get me wrong, they’re very nice folks, but they certainly don’t look like the picture on the sign. Retouched or not. It’s all a lie. If someone goes there looking for Meghan, they’ll be sorely disappointed. She lives two states over to the west, and only shows up here on major holidays.

Idiots Ahead, proceede with intelligence

Then there’s the signs which have been showing up around construction sites for the past few years. “Slow Down! Drive as if your kids worked here.” Interesting sentiment, but I’m not sure it’s effective. They don’t know my children. There are days, I’d drive five miles out of my way to hit them with the car. On those days, those construction workers would be in real trouble.

Also, the sign features pictures of very young children. This is supposed to drive the message home. But, it’s the wrong message. There are laws against school-age children building roads. If they wanted to be accurate, the sign should read, “Slow Down! Drive as if some children you really care about worked here. But you’ll have to use your imagination because we would never let them. We understand it’s against every law of common decency, and besides our union would never allow it.”

The eyes have it

These are just a few examples, I’ve seen recently. But there are even worse ones for local companies, which everyone around there already knows about. What I can’t figure out is, “If everyone already knows about them, why are they advertising along the highway? And driving out-of-towners crazy?” I saw one such ad last year while traveling for business. It was just a simple white billboard with bold red letters stating, “Rosen Makes Them Pay!!”

Who the heck is Rosen? Is he a collection agent? Maybe he’s a loan officer for a bank, or even an enforcer for local mob? I just didn’t know. The thing is, I was supposed to meet with a guy named John Rosenthal. Those letters were pretty big. Maybe ‘Rosenthal’ didn’t fit on the sign, and I was headed to my doom. I didn’t know exactly what I would be paying for, but you can bet my payments were not going to be late.

 A hundred yards from that sign was another sign which showed some slightly-cocked eyes staring down at you. Not the whole face mind you, just the eyes. I read 1984. Those eyes looked suspiciously like Big Brother. Or maybe it was for some church or another. You know, ‘God is watching you’. How was I, as an outsider supposed to know what I was in for? I even prepared to high-tail it out of town, in case those eyes were looking for idiots.

 When I got to my meeting I asked about those signs. Inquiring minds want to know. As it turns out, the signs were connected. Bob Rosen is a personal injury lawyer, and the eyes are his. They’re watching for ner-do-wells causing accidents. Bob Rosen will make those evildoers pay. So, in essence, I was right. Those eyes are looking for idiots. Just not my kind.

I coulda been a contender

Ads like these make me want to cry. I actually wanted to get into advertising many years ago. My father suggested I rethink, because he thought my ideas were too off-the-wall. At that time, I looked at the various ads, and had to agree with him. I took my creativity and learned how to design electronics.

Then after a few years, electronics started to be designed by computers and advertising got more stupid. I wasn’t qualified for either. Yes, I found my place in the world. But just think about how my idiocy could have benefited mankind.

It Boggles The Mind!!