Do you Care??

I bought a new pair of shoes the other day. But you don’t care. I’m betting none of you out there even give half a fig, that I bought shoes. It’s okay though. My new shoes have absolutely no bearing on your lives. They mean something to me, of course. But frankly, I’m a lot closer to the situation.

Then again, I could tell you, they are high-top walking shoes, and I got them for half price, to get you all more interested. Or I might mention, my daughter works in the shop where I bought them. I support her job choices. Also, I could brag that no unicorns were harmed in the manufacture of my shoes. But honestly, even I don’t care about that. Dragons are so much cooler.

I just have to accept the fact you just don’t feel anything about my new shoes. Sadly, for you is the fact that you really should. They’re very important to the rest of this post. If you stop caring this early, you may not stick around for the end. I’m planning a whole bunch of entertaining things in the coming words. So, you should definitely rethink your first, and very biased, opinions about my new shoes. Do I need to take a break so you can change your mind? No? You feel better, about me purchase? Good, we can continue.

What I’ve experienced

Now, I don’t know if any of you have experienced this, but I have several times: You take the new shoes out of the box, place them on your feet, compliment yourself on how great your fashion choices are, then lace them up, only to find the laces are too short, and you can’t tie them. You go back to the store and ask the clerk what the length of new laces should be. They take several minutes looking up your shoes in the great big book then try to sell you laces of exactly the same size as the ones which don’t fit.

In years past, I’ve gone rogue and just bought the ones that do fit and tell the big book to go stuff itself. Sadly, that was then and this in now. As usual, I bought shoes with the laces that were too short. Only this time the store didn’t have any longer laces. In fact, they didn’t have laces long enough to replace the short ones I had. Ohh, they had lots of short laces for children’s shoes, in lots of different colors. Apparently adult shoes don’t need laces anymore, except for the fact that all of them do.

I asked the clerk where I could get the correct laces. He said they were available on line. Do they have any concept of what they just said? Laces cost less than three bucks. Then I’ll have to pay about eight to have them shipped to my house. Shipping is more than double the price in the product!

I refuse to do it

I could buy thirty-five-dollars of stuff to get free shipping. But this only means I’ll have thirty-two-bucks worth of useless stuff in my house which I don’t need. And I still haven’t tied my shoes. I wasn’t about to do any of that. Instead, I went in search of long laces.

First, I made sure the store wasn’t just out of them. They weren’t. The manager looked on the complete inventory sheet, and long laces aren’t even available from their supplier. I questioned what others did about incorrect laces? She looked at me as if I were a three headed alien, who had just gotten off a flying saucer saying, “Duh! It’s so easy. They just buy them online.” And the quest had begun!

Not here, there or anywhere

As I was in the mall, I decided to look in the other shoe stores. None of the seven stores I checked carried anything longer than fifty-inches. I needed seventy. I was not to be thwarted. I tried two department stores and a local specialty shop. My quarry was not to be found. I even asked my friends where they’d gotten their laces the last time. Sadly, they’ve all grown up and don’t wear high-top sneakers any more. The last time any of them needed long laces was ten years ago. They suggested I go online. Curses, foiled again!

I was beginning to feel finding a dragon was an easier task than finding my laces. However, then I met a sayer of the sooth. Actually, he was just some guy who told me he knew of a store with a large selection of laces. But, considering I’m on a quest, saying he’s a sooth sayer, or perhaps an oracle, sounds so much better.

A bit of hope

  I made the trek through the enchanted forest avoiding several beasts. Okay, it’s really the local national park, but it can be pretty dark in there. Also, there are coyotes in there. Sadly though, the beasts I encountered were mostly deer and squirrels. This quest isn’t turning out all that dangerous, or foreboding. Is it? Well, I’ll keep trying.

Spirits were high as I approached the marketplace, but kept my hopes at bay, just in case. I sheathed my great sword, No-Luck, and moved forward with trepidation. All right, I’m busted, it’s actually a Swiss Army knife. Plus, I was only cautious, because I had to cross a large parking lot and you never know about idiot drivers. So, that part was a little bit treacherous.

In an unseen corner of the marketplace, I met an old woman wearing rags. (This part is true; her t-shirt was a mess.) She informed me the object of my desire was beyond the apothecary. In other words, aisle four. I trekked on, and suddenly there it was. An entire wall of laces, and shoe products. I fell to my knees, crying with joy to be at last at the end of my journey. Again truth, in fact security almost threw me out. I stood up and started to look for the size I needed.

Ohh, despair! My hopes were again dashed. This place didn’t carry my size of laces either. I went back to the ragged woman, and begged. Did she know of any way I could see the end of my pursuit? “Yeah,” she answered, “You can get them online.”

I left the market in despair, a broken man who may never know joy again. This had nothing to do with the laces. It’s about par for the course, for my life. Despair about having to buy online has become a new companion of mine. But when it comes to the simple things, which everyone needs, I still have hope I might find them locally.

I surrender

Anyway, as you probably already guessed, I placed an order with Amazon. Yes, I did ask all my children if they needed anything. It took two days, but I finally got enough of an order to get free shipping. Remember, my two-dollar laces, could have cost me ten, but I held strong and made sure they cost me thirty-eight bucks. This doesn’t include the cost of the gas and the time it took for my quest. But I got out of paying for shipping.

That’s really smart!! Right?