No thanks, I’ll do it myself

I was recently involved in a discussion about Self-driving Cars. My friends were discussing their pros and cons versus Idiot-driving Cars. Frankly, I went with the idiots. Computers wear out and fail. Whereas there seems to be a never-ending supply of idiots. I was driving the other day to an out-of-state client, and the roads were full of them. Even in the lonely areas where there shouldn’t have been any other cars at all.

A single self-driving car may be a novelty in our world, and frankly one or two on the road affects the idiots very little. On the other hand, one or two idiots would have catastrophic effects on the self-driving world. SD cars would create order and etiquette in driving. Everyone would move at the same speed. Idiots hate that. One of them would surely be darting in and out of this ordered procession of cars, and be causing accidents just for the fun of it.

Remember, all self-driving cars are required to have a disabling switch, so an idiot can take over in case of emergency. Imagine, allowing your car to drive you to work. Some idiot cuts off your car, and starts moving faster than everyone else. Next your idiot tendencies rear their ugly head and you think, “If he can go faster than everybody else, why can’t I?” You switch the car over and start hauling ass. This causes two other cars to switch, and they each cause two others to do likewise, and so on. Remember natural stupidity will always be more powerful than artificial intelligence.

It would be bad

Besides in this self-driving common sense, world whole cities would go bankrupt without the revenue from police handing out traffic tickets. Traffic helicopters would be grounded and pilots would starve. Millions of radio and television people who report traffic conditions would lose their jobs. Imagine their response to the employment office person questioning them about their previous positions.

“Well, I stared at the freeway, and watched the cars go by. Every fifteen minutes I went to a microphone and told folks what I saw. The people I was talking to were probably scrambling around their kitchens trying to make a cup of coffee. So, it’s unlikely they were paying very much attention.

On the other hand, they probably knew what I was going to say, because the roads never change, and accidents were always in the same places. Consequently, no one ever really listened to me. On sunny days I rode in a helicopter so I could watch even more highways and be ignored by a greater number of people.” Yup, they’d be uniquely qualified to flip burgers for the rest of their lives.

Then again, the company they worked for would also be out of business. Imagine the next guy in line proudly proclaiming, “I ran a company where all my people watched cars go by.” It’s no wonder those folks in government jobs have bad attitudes, and probably drink.

Everyone has a place

Without the idiots, the world would be in complete chaos. Agreed, idiots cause most of the chaos. However, this fact doesn’t help to prove my point. So, I’ll ignore it. I love being the master of my own little world. But I digress.

The world needs idiots. For instance, they provide a vital function for the software industry. Tell me, if there were no idiots; How many versions of Microsoft Windows would there be? ONE! It would have been released in 1985, everyone would have followed the directions, unicorns would have been seen in the countryside, and update coders would’ve been out of work.

However, the first time it hit an idiot’s desk, they wondered what would happen if they didn’t follow the rules. Windows broke, and hundreds of software employees breathed a sigh of relief, as they began creating version 2.0. Hey folks, embrace your idiocy. You are vital to the world economy!

I could give you examples of this in every walk of life, but the tech sector needs idiots most of all. In the old days when everything was made out of wood or metal, even though the world needed them, idiots were harder to come by. With machines being so common, stupid folks were having trouble because they were constantly cutting off important body parts. Foolishness still ruled and caused change, but fools were dying off at an alarming rate. Consequently, lots of stuff remained the same for hundreds of years.

I’ve found a home

In the tech industry there are no sharp objects. Crazies are allowed to grow and thrive. Subsequently, they have a greater impact. Take the I-Phone for example. The newest one is the 17 Pro. Does it text better? Make calls faster? Have more levels of candy crush? Locate purple dragons in their hiding places? Well, none of them do that. But still, why do we need 17 iPhones? Idiots, that’s why.

Remember, the phone was designed as a communication device and pocket computer. Cameras were added because: Why not? Did the idiots look and marvel at what this new treasure was designed for? Nope, they wanted to take pictures of their private parts. Sadly, the detail wasn’t good enough. So, Apple came out with a new one. Not to be a better computing device, but so a man’s personality could be displayed in higher quality.

As we progressed through the numbers, marketers noted this trend and turned it into a selling point. “Hey, silly people, buy the newest model. That way, when you press ‘Reply All’, the entire office, along with your grandmother, will have a better representation of your privates.” They don’t say it this way of course. They have to deal with censors. But it’s what they mean.

Competition makes things sillier

Enter the Samsung Galaxy. It rivaled the iPhone in quality at a cheaper price. Even idiots don’t like to spend extra money. (Well, most of the time anyway.) Apple had to step up their game. The 17 Pro is actually advertised as being able to record a major motion picture.

Not just a movie where we follow two lovers as they walk along the beach, mind you. The ad shows a quarter sized flying saucer crash landing in an icy wasteland. There is crane operated rigging, explosions, and a crew of about fifteen people.

Overseeing this controlled chaos is one geeky looking guy with glasses holding up his 17 Pro and getting the shot. It’s quite the commercial.

The ugly truth

I don’t buy it. Sure, some independent might make a film recorded completely on their phone as a novelty. But if you’re paying a model maker five grand to create a starship and frozen planet, a couple more to crane operators and rigging specialists, and even more for various staff members, including the cute girl who serves coffee and mans the Craft Services table, you’re not going to record this spectacular special effect on your new phone.

I know film-makers. An effect like this would require two to four cameras with complicated redesigned lenses. And like with explosions, you’ve only got one shot to get it right. the 17 Pro is good but not that good.

Trust me, Spielberg won’t be trading in equipment anytime soon!!