Here’s a shocker. The president hates the news media. But this is okay because the media hates him back. It’s nice and fair that way. In fact, I am quite enjoying the tennis-like back and forth between the two. It’s really quite exciting. Volley after folly they snap at each other like dogs, then suddenly …
A Thing Of Cuteness Is A Pain Forever
Ah, the bliss of scanning my back yard at this wonderful time of the year. The grass is dead. There is no need to mow and there are no flowers to give me hay fever. The leaves have fallen and what hasn’t been raked is covered with snow and can’t be seen. The birds that …
Cart Wars ep IV A New Dope
A long time ago in a food mart far far away… Actually, it was about a month ago and the grocery was only about five blocks up the road. But that doesn’t sound cool at all. The thing is I was involved in an extremely tragic incident and I wanted to give it the seriousness …
The Low Point In High Fashion
I have never conformed to the whims of fashion. I never saw the point to buying a new wardrobe every season. I don’t think I need to jump just because some weird looking guy in Paris tells me to wear green pants, with a plaid shirt. The only time you could say I follow fashion …
Pitfalls in Dining Out
Well don’t I feel sheepish! Ewe better believe I do. I was feeling fine until I was ram-ed by the truth. It humbled me into a kid instead of the old goat I am. Oh and it was such a boar. Well it’s time to adjust, sit down on the cow-ch and get past this moo-ving experience. Farm animal puns aside, while the last paragraph was …
Fall Back On Something Soft… Ware
The other day I heard a motivational speaker say, “Everyone should have a Fallback Career.” Frankly when I first heard it, I was confused. I just couldn’t see how falling backwards could be a career. I mean somebody might give you a few bucks to see you fall once or twice, but to make a …
My Place in The Universe
Well, don’t I feel proud. I know all of you are thinking, Hey, what’s he got to be proud of? Well, I’ll tell you. I have finally achieved the notoriety I deserve. Ever since I was a teenager, just like all other teenagers, I knew that I was the center of the Universe. And just like …
Now You’re Cooking With Guys
My television went on the fritz and so I've had a bit of time on my hands lately. I decided to read a book. The thing is, those biographies my wife reads really don’t interest me. The only celebrity I ever wanted to know all about is Spongebob Squarepants. I read his biography a while …
Peculiar Pet Problem
I just finished my morning jaunt around my housing complex. A brisk walk to bid a hearty ‘Good Morning’ to the world. That’s the great thing about where I live. There is only one entrance and exit to this little community, so you can wander along the streets without the noise and smell of traffic …
Custom Taylor-Ing
It has come to my attention that I am not a marketing genius. No one has offered me a part on reality TV or the hosting job on a late-night talk show. It’s all quite depressing. Face it, I am a legend in my own mind, but I’m just not getting the press it takes …
Mr. Ohh!'s Sideways View 