*SPOILER ALLERT* The following blog post may contain revelations from the movie Jumanji, Welcome To The Jungle You Have Been Warned SPOILER ALERT. Actually, it probably won’t, but how many times does a person get to write ‘spoiler alert’ in all capital letters. I’ve only done it twice in my life, and you just read both of them. Maybe I’ll do it again at the end. It was fun.
Anyway, I just saw the movie, and OMG. It was great. Dwayne “THE ROCK” Johnson was perfect. He was brave, stalwart, and super duper tough. Even though he was playing a transformed nerdy high school kid, he led the others to not only victory, but he helped them learn how to use all their inner strengths. Wow, what a leader.
On an unrelated subject, a while back I seem to recall The Rock saying he might run for president of these United States of America. Hold on a second, la la la (I’m checking my notes) Hmm Hmm Hmm oh here it is, mumble mumble. Yes, the professional wrestler turned actor/businessman stated he wants to lead the free world. I was shocked at first and ignored the article, but after Jumanji, I’m growing more and more undecided.
Sure, like most people, I was taught that anyone, with 150 million dollars to cover the campaign costs, could grow up to be president, but we’re talking about THE ROCK. Sure, he wasn’t one of Wrestling’s perineal “Bad Guys” But can you ever call a professional wrestler a “Good Guy”? No, I say, we want good guys running our country, like Dr. Smolder Bravestone. Oh wait, they’re played by the same person. I’m so confused! However, I pride myself on being open minded, so open minded in fact that I recently had a brain scan and the doctor told me there was nothing there. Therefore, I shall weigh the facts to form an informed, unbiased, decision about this, using only the most critical presidential requirements.
First let’s look at image. A president must make a good impression on the people of the world as well as those folks at home. The dumpy businessman look just does not work for me at all, I have to admit, Johnson does look cool. In the movie Johnson wears his shirt unbuttoned and his short sleeves show off his ample sweaty muscles. Oh No! I forgot to say spoiler alert! I sincerely hope I haven’t ruined the movie for some of you. Either way I will press on
I have also seen those Fast and Furious movies. Now there is one tough dude as well, even though he doesn’t sweat as much. In those movies he is Luke Hobbs Federal Agent, a good guy working to stop the blood and destruction, and like Dr. Bravestone, further trying save the day. If he brings the same attitude to politics that he uses driving, and destroying those sports cars, WOW! Wouldn’t it be cool if a president did that in a limo and then walked away as it exploded in the background, like in the movies? C’mon, you know you’d pay a few bucks to see that.
On the subject of destruction, how would ROCK have handled the recent hurricane crises? Let’s check out the ending of the movie San Andreas. ROCK stands on a hillside, covered in blood, sweat, and dirt, with a girl by his side. No black slicker and kakis for him. She speaks, “So, what now?” He takes a deep breath, puffs out his chest, and says, “Now, we rebuild.” All this happens as helicopters fly overhead, and an American flag unfurls. I feel pride just recounting that. The thing is, he never even mentions the budget, even though you know rebuilding will cost billions. Also, he doesn’t go into a tweet storm with the mayor of Catalina Island saying they need to fend for themselves. If that isn’t a presidential photo op, then I don’t know what is.
Speaking of pictures, sort of, remember those shots of Putin with his shirt off holding a sledgehammer? Well let me tell you, I’ve seen some of THE ROCK’s wrestling matches, and he has better abs. (If you haven’t seen the matches check out his costume as the Scorpion King, Oh My) Remembering the fact more and more world leaders are now women, maybe looking good with your shirt off might be a good thing. Note to Trump, “Leave Yours On!”
What about negotiations and trade deals? A president needs, no requires, I’m talking ‘Gotsta-Have’ a good team around him. remember he doesn’t always get to pick those people. In Jumanji (spoiler alert although you can get this information from the trailer.) the four main players are from four different high school cliques. Those groups sling more mud that any politician ever thought of. Yet Johnson, as Dr. Bravestone, brings the together, not only to beat the bad guy, but to conquer the jungle itself. Think about a world leader being able to that, Wy don’t ya? The possibilities are endless.
You may say, “That’s all well and good, for the world stage, but what about our domestic congress, with all the backbiting, and partisan politics?” You’d probably leave out the word ‘domestic’ but I know the question is there. Could he work with both sides of the aisle? I think yes. Not only am I looking at one picture, but all his movies. Imagine, a president, with the raw power Johnson showed in The Scorpion King, the sense od duty shown in San Andreas, the inner strength yet vulnerability displayed in Jumanji, along with sense of humor revealed in Moana. Aren’t these qualities you want in a leader?
Now take all of that and add his training in professional wrestling. I’m talking about how wrestlers work both sides. The drama, hype, and stories of televised wrestling are truly something to behold. Good Guys turn bad and Bad Guys turn good all the time. Imagine if we switched those words to Democrat and Republican. ROCK could enter a senate session and start talking, suddenly a Republican with a cool name like ‘Monster Truck’ might throw a chair at a friend of his. That would be a game changer. Next thing you know ROCK would show up at a press conference challenging Truck to defend his monetary policies, in the squared circle. But then, next week, if ‘Democratic Dino Dude’ started disrespecting ROCK on healthcare, he would flip again. ROCK might even ask ‘Monster Truck’ to tag-team with him. I’ve seen stranger things happen.
So, I guess I was wrong, ROCK just might have the qualifications to be our national leader. I’m not saying there won’t be challenges. I mean he did make that embarrassing movie, Tooth Fairy, and his performance of The Scorpion King, in The Mummy Returnsgot quite scary at the end. Opponents could jump all over those and call him to violent. Then again those characters weren’t as embarrassing as Reagan in Bedtime For Bonzo, and he was called the great communicator. Elections are one strange duck, and anything can happen. Maybe I should pick up a yard sign right away, before they’re all gone. After all, it is never too early to start an election cycle.