Seek To Nurture Your Inner Wierdo

My father was a man of few words. That said, he had the greatest work ethic I have ever seen in anyone, and I’ve met a lot of anyones. I worked twenty years in retail electronics, and frankly, anyone came into my store every day. In those days I could meet six or seven anyones in an hour. Easy! I can’t say if this makes me an expert, but it certainly gives me a large base of experience to draw upon. Now that you all know of my qualifications, I will continue.

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As I said my father had a great work ethic. He worked very hard at whatever he did, and when he finished, it was a work of art. Actually, more often it was a kitchen cabinet, or some other household item, but calling it art sounds so much cooler. Doesn’t it? As a result, of my dad’s prowess a lot of people listened to what he said. Fortunately, as I mentioned, he said very little, so it was easy to go about one’s day without being overly concerned you might have missed something.

One thing he did say is, “No matter what you do, be the best at it. Even if you dig ditches, dig the best darn ditches you can.” In reality he didn’t say darn. His language was much more colorful, but the message stays the same. You might not care, even one little a bit about all this. I mean you’ve probably seen these very words on motivational posters all over. But my dad grew up in an era before motivational posters, so, to me, this was very important.

As a result, I have lived my life trying to be the best at whatever I do, and this has been a mistake. Whenever I proved myself the best at something, I became stuck doing that thing forever. No boss in their right mind promotes the person doing the best. They may never find another person who can do it. Consequently, the person who is second best very often gets promoted. Don’t believe me? Think about these two facts. Certain people and groups scream they don’t get promoted as often as others. Also, the very same people, brag they are better than the ones who do move ahead. So, going by both these facts, the better person is often left behind. What those folks need to do is learn how to grow more lazy and less efficient. That way, they will be noticed by management much sooner. Another topical world issue swiftly solved by Mr. Ohh!

All that’s left to do is get the motivational posters printed. How about these for some slogans; Longer breaks lead to better hours, or Work less, Your heart and wallet will benefit, and lastly, In a flock of eagles, The lone turkey is noticed first. I’m sure there are lots of other good ones, but in truth I don’t want to hard enough to figure them all out. Do a little, then be lethargic. That’s my new motto.

Of course, you must remember, apathy and inactivity will only take you so far. The real secret to success is how well you manipulate your own stupidity. That’s where the real money is. The problem is, where do you find a college course, somewhere out there, that teaches you how to do it? I’ve checked all of the premier business schools in the country. Trust me, I can’t find a single one. The closest I came was at Harvard Business. When I called them to inquire about such a class, after a five-minute discussion, the dean told me not to worry. I had already passed it.

I will say that even without such a course, stupidity is thriving. I think the internet and social media have a lot to do with that. In the old days, a person had to perfect his or her insanity from looking at the few people in their inner circle. If none of those folks were overly silly, then the pilgrim of the absurd would have no reference to grow from. But now there’s Twitter. Anyone can hear the nutty crap from all over the world. Thus, they are able to make rational decisions about how they want their individual lunacy to take shape.

Now don’t get me wrong. There is a place for intelligence too. Look at Bill Gates or Steve Jobs. Two very smart guys who have changed the world. The thing is, for every one of them, there are a million of the other. In fact, those geniuses, needed unintelligent people to become successful. Think about it. Gates released several versions of Windows that were buggier than a termite mound. Windows 8 was so bad that he skipped 9 altogether, and then had to give away 10 for free. And that wasn’t even his biggest “OOPS”. In the end, people forgave him and continue to use his products.

Apple has been caught sabotaging their own products, so folks had to pay hundreds of dollars to replace them. It’s common knowledge. Yet, even with this knowledge, the masses continue to scream, “Apple is great!” All this proves is that the greatest thing a smart person can learn is how to use stupidity to their advantage.

Of course, these examples pale in comparison to government jobs. Supposedly they work for the people. And we all know how crazy those folks are. News outlets make a living telling us all the ludicrous stuff they do, every day. The thing is, the people gave congress the power to raise their own salaries whenever they like. Would you like to make a wager on how successful you’d be if you walked into your boss’s office and asked to control your own pay. Tell you what, I’ll put ten-dollars against. Speaking of money, doesn’t anybody realize a dollar bill is just a piece of paper. The thing is, enough nuts believe it is worth something, so poof it’s valuable. It’s like some kind of stupid person magic.

Government is the clearest example of how far a stupid person can go. Contrarywise it also points out, very clearly, how the stupidest among us need more dumb folks to get ahead. Our economy is not only based on it, it is fundamental to all walks of life. If everyone suddenly became smarter, all the world’s systems would collapse. It would be total anarchy.

So, I say, embrace your stupidity. Maybe even run for public office. Teach insanity to your children and grandchildren. It is the most noble cause a human can aspire to. Remember, if they don’t learn it from you, Facebook will be happy to do it for you. Take a moment to ponder how many ways that could go wrong. I mean, they may grow up to become Independents, think for themselves, and vote intelligently. And nobody wants that.         

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