Add it up

When I was in high school, I took some higher mathematics. I further studied it in college. What I learned in those years of study was that Calculous is the study of finding the area under a curve. I also studied Natural Art. In Natural Art we learned that curves are the natural order of things. In essence, there are no strait lines in nature. Consequently, if there are no straight lines, and we want to find the area under all those curves, what can we do?

I’ll tell you what to do. Look down. The area you see under your toes is what Calc has been looking for all this time. I should’ve been able to walk into class, proclaim to the professor that the Earth is under every curve, then leave the lecture hall with an ‘A’. But NO! You need to have X’s and Y’s and axes, and graphs, and functions, of all kinds. I’ll tell you what I do when I have a X function. I flush the toilet, and wash my hands.

Two things = Big problem

This is the primary trouble with the world today; There are two main forces guiding the education of young innocent minds, Art and Science. The trouble is the two of them can’t agree on anything. Art wants the mind to be free to emote and create. Whereas Science wants to prove everything. Then we’re taught that both are omni-important. Is it any wonder we humans are so totally confused?

Then this problem festers and moves into your adult life. When I was looking for a job, I went to a job fair to get some tips. All the job-getting experts, told us to think outside the box, show the employer your bright new ideas, be unique. Then the interviewers for actual jobs asked if we could conform to a rigid schedule, fit in with the established culture, and do exactly what we’re told without question. I think I figured out why those folks made money as experts, they can’t get a real job, because their ideas suck.

That doesn’t compute

Actually, that’s the thing. Their ideas don’t suck. Ideas are wonderful things, and should be encouraged. Karl Marx had an idea about a utopian society, where everyone worked and there was no government. There was only one itsy-bitsy problem with his idea. He tried it on people, and people are idiots.

Comedian George Wallace once asked the question, “Why do we park in the driveway, and drive in the parkway?” It’s a fair question, and a good joke, but it all comes down to the same thing. You’re asking a silly being why he does, and says, silly things. It’s natural.

Subtract all sanity

Speaking of silly, or should I rephrase that to inanely stupid. What is up with movie news these days? When I grew up, which wasn’t all that long ago, I loved to read movie reviews. They were like little bites of knowledge designed to entice me into spending money, without telling anything about what I was spending it on. I spent years in sales and I wish I could’ve been that coy about stuff. The only thing those reviews ever really said was, “Come See the Freaking Movie!!”

These days, reviews contain spoilers. Everybody wants to report on the movie and tell you the surprise ending. Once they yell me that, I don’t need to see it. Then again, they announce what they’re doing by saying “Spoiler Alert!!” In essence they write thousand-word articles, and then tell me not to read them. They could’ve just not written them and saved everyone a lot of time.

I have lots of blogger friends, and not one of them titles their posts, “Don’t read this, you won’t be interested!” But the trend in movie reviews is to do just that. “Hi, I wrote this great review to entice you to see a movie, but don’t read it because you might not want to see the movie after you do.” If they want me to see the show they should just shut up! Let the advertising geeks do their job.

The issues multiply

Then again, advertising is another thing I don’t understand. I get it, Ads are everywhere, but can we stop putting ads in the middle of ads? I was reading a magazine once and saw a full-page perfume ad. The half-naked lady was putting on lipstick with the brand showing clearly. That’s it, nothing about perfume. Then the copy read, “He’s thinking of you, Chanel”

I don’t understand this on so many levels. First, he’s not even there. They haven’t got a clue about who he’s thinking about? More likely he’s way past the underwear thing, and more worried about his bet on the football game. Secondly, am I supposed to be buying the underwear, lipstick, perfume, or perhaps calling the cops because this lady has a stalker. I’m so confused.

When I took my college marketing class, it was stressed that the purpose of an ad is to make folks remember it, and obviously the product. I made up the name of the perfume, because I don’t remember the real one. But I sure as heck remember the half-naked lady. If they’re trying to sell busty women in underwear they succeeded. If it’s the perfume, Not So Much!

Diding my attention

Then there’s the ads I see on my phone. They want me to download an AI girlfriend. What? Now I’m not a fan of AI, but with all the promise it could have, how do those folks consider a cyber girlfriend to be AI’s best use? I have my hands full enough with my wife. How can they expect me to want a girlfriend I can only text on my phone, and never see in real life?

What the X

Then again, most folks don’t want to see people in real life. I get so confused when I’m constantly reminded, by my children, we’re not supposed to talk to anyone anymore. You’re supposed to text and wait for a response. I’m just a weirdo, I don’t carry my phone at all times. If you text me, I may not see it for hours. By that time the kids have called the coroner, and are arguing about who’s getting my car.

If I do happen to have my phone, I’ll likely get the text, “Hey can you talk? Call me.” If you wanted to chat, you should just call in the first place, and not waste all that time. If my saying. “I can’t talk right now,” throws you into a dark depression, then maybe communication isn’t you worst problem.

This is true. My nephew texted my sister to ask her to call. She was busy and didn’t see it for a while. When she did call back, she learned her son was sitting by the side of the road, in the rain, because his car broke down. She asked why he didn’t call? He didn’t want to bother her if she was busy. Sheesh!! Attention children everywhere, if you’re catching pneumonia, and have the potential to be run over; Call Your Parents! They want to hear from you!

Multiple variables

It’s all just too confusing for me. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. Spoiler-Alert!!