Why?

I remember back when I was just a Little Ohh!, and not the foremost authority on everything I am today. There was a toy. It was several multi colored rings of varying sizes and a conical post. The object was, if you placed the rings in order, from largest to smallest, they would all fit, nicely stacked on the cone. If not, the child was supposed to cry, kick its little feet in the air, and throw all the pieces across the room. Apparently, parents loved these tantrums, because that toy still exists today.

The actual purpose of the toy is not, to induce infantile tirades. It’s supposed to teach young minds the idea of stacking by size and shape. It’s also a great test for the sobriety of drunken uncles. That’s not what it was originally designed for. It is however, an added bonus.

The issue with toys of this nature is that their primary functions are never quite achieved. The rings are more often chewed to bits, and the cones thrown aside or bent in attempts of strength. And that’s just how the uncles use them. Small children treat them much worse.

Because

The reason I bring this all up is; Through all the years this toy existed, and all the times those rings were actually stacked, the simple lesson is never learned. My children, as intelligent and adultlike they may be, can’t stack things for schnarts. Every day I go to my cupboards and have bowls fly out at me. My kids must honestly believe small things should be covered by something larger. This may work when talking about blankets, but with bowls it causes a one-inch stack to become ten-feet.

Why couldn’t they have learned the lesson of that old toy, instead the later lesson of shuffling cards. Or better yet the physics lesson that states; “You can’t toss everything into a given space and expect it all to fit perfectly.”

No, they’ve come up with a better system. Throw it all in, have it fall out on someone else, and expect them to do it over the right way. Sadly, I’m usually the inevitable, someone-else, who has to clean up the mess. Stacking came easy to them in preschool. Why is it so hard in adulthood? And if nature is supposed to be random, why am I always the one coming along and fix it?

These are the answers I need. Who gives a crap if there’s life on Mars? If cold fusion is possible? Or even if you can eat sixty-two cookies without taking a sip of milk? These scientific questions are not important. Well, maybe the cookie one has merit? But that’s beside the point. I want answers!

I gots to know

Another bothersome thing is swimming pools. When you get into a pool you get wet. You’re wet all over. Will someone please tell me why it’s so bad to have someone else splash you? It’s not like there’s a wet threshold that if you exceed will cause permanent damage. “He’s able to swim underwater in a pool, but if he gets any wetter than that, like getting splashed, his fingers will fall off.” Actually, that might be cool to have somebody’s fingers fall off and regrow every summer. Like sunburn but with less pealing.

And it’s not only pools. Every amusement or theme park has a water ride where you go down a final hill and get soaked. A splash of water won’t kill you. However, by the looks of those who just rode, you might think it would.

Do you feel lucky

Then again, if you are so afraid of melting then don’t go on the ride in the first place. It’s not like you don’t know at the beginning. There’s a flipping sign clearly stating, “You Will Get Wet On This Ride.” At this point who’s the idiot. “I want to ride that thing, but only if I don’t get wet. Ohh well, I’ll ride it anyway and see what happens.” You’re going to get wet! That’s what’s going to happen. Sheesh!

Then there’s rainy days. Everyone runs like a mad-person when it rains. It’s just water folks, the same as the swimming pool last week, and the shower this morning. Personally, I like to take walks in nice warm summer rain. I’ve done it many times and never melted. I guess I’m not as sweet as sugar. Or as crazy as those wierdos. Why are they like that? I don’t know, but I’d really like some sort of an answer.

Not-so red carpet

Speaking of crazy people, there’s my daughter. If you ask her to put on school clothes, she’ll procrastinate for hours. But, ask her to accompany you to the gas station, she’ll put on her best clothes, stockings and makeup. She must look her best when she picks up an Iced tea. I think Coke or Pepsi require a ball gown, but I’m not sure.

Why does she do that? She dresses better for a simple walk around the block than she does for a school dance. I once asked her why that was. Her answer was stranger still. If she dressed up that much for a dance, she’d feel out of place. What?!?! She feels out of place dressed up for a dance, and not for taking the dog for a dump?

I tried to put some logic to it all. Yea right, my daughter and logic. Some hope. Anyway, I thought there might be a special person at the gas station, or in the neighborhood, that she’s trying to impress. That’s a big, “Nope”

Unless she’s lying to me, all the local suitors are either too old, too young, or too ugly for her to consider. Also, the gas station we go to is staffed entirely by older women. She insists there’s no one to even consider there. There is one guy she is interested in. They met at school, and she loves his dog. Sadly though, when she goes by his place, she wears torn jeans, and a beat-up T-shirt.

Is this backwards or am I?

You got it right folks. When she’s out with friends, or dating, she dresses like a bum. When she’s running mundane errands, she dresses to the nines. Heck, she dresses way past the nines, well into the tens, or even elevens. That’s Backwards! It’s against everything I know.

Look, I personally always dress casually, and am often underdressed. I accept that. It’s what I am. On the other hand, most of the time, I’m complimented for my choice in clothes and shoes. So, it all works out. For good or bad, I’m consistent.

But she’s not consistent. She’s improperly dressed at all times; A bum when a princess is required and a princess when fashion dictates being a bum. If clothes make the woman, she’s made out to be crazy. I guess insanity does run in my family. I get it from her.

I just don’t know

Questions, questions and more questions. It makes me wonder if I’m the insane one, and the rest of the world works on rules I don’t understand. Maybe you can stack water, or even dresses, while getting so overly wet your fingers fall off.

I just don’t understand anymore!