A problem

A good friend of mine recently came upon a problem. No, for all you comedians out there, the issue is not because she is my friend. We’ve been friends for over ten years. That particular inconvenience is not recent at all. So there!

Her issue was more medical in nature. You see, she needs a certain medication, which is only available from one source. Remember, please, this is a humorous post, she is in no danger. Well, except for that whole “being my friend” thing, but this is beside the point.

Taken care of

The thing is, she has to renew her prescription every year. Recently, when she called the pharmacy, they reminded her she had to talk to her doctor. Acting immediately, she contacted everyone concerned, went to all required appointments, and filled out the proper forms. Next, she sat back wondering what would go wrong this time? Sadly, this process is never smooth.

Anyway, after doing all this, she called the pharmacy again. She informed them that all the T’s were crossed and the I’s dotted. They would be seeing her renewed script soon. They, in turn entered all this material into their computer. Everything was done… Well, maybe.

But not actually

Two days later she got an automated phone call, stating she needed to call the pharmacy right away. This is interesting for two reasons. First, if there’s an emergency with her meds; Why did a computer call, and not a real person? She can’t talk to the machine. In point of fact, the freaking machine didn’t know what the problem was. If it did, wouldn’t it have said so?

Second, that machine didn’t leave a call back number. Since she was house-sitting at the time, she had to go home to get the number, and couldn’t respond to the emergency. She did just that. An hour later she made the call, only to find the pharmacy was closed and would reopen tomorrow at eight.

Waiting is a problem

She had to wait twelve hours. Now I’m no expert, but I thought the definition of Emergency was, “This can’t wait twelve hours!” Silly me! Again, I would’ve thought if this was so important, they’d have made a voice call. Some of you good folks might remember those. You know, having one person actually speak to another person. A bold concept, I’ll admit. But, in some cases, the better option.  

Either way, she was up all night stressing over what the emergency could be. She had a small supply of the medication, so that couldn’t be it. Could it be, there was a new side effect? Could it be the drug was coming from Siberia, and the dog-sleds weren’t running? Could it be young-Dr. Drake had fallen in love with another beautiful female patient and was so distracted by her, he removed Mrs. Nesbit’s fulmakrin, instead of her condoce? Naw, it’s probably not that. I guess I’ve been watching too much General Hospital.

Other problems

Either way, the next morning, she called. After pressing buttons, answering silly questions, and being frustrated, for about five minutes, she spoke to a nurse. You guessed it. It wasn’t really an emergency. The nurse informed her that her script expired, and their efficient computer system was only calling to let her know. Something, in fact, she already knew.

My, extremely sleep deprived friend, laid into them. The only thing their computer was efficient at was wasting her time, and causing anxiety. She yelled at the woman saying, she called a few days before. This was a bit unfair. Yes, the correct info was in her chart. Also, the processor could have spent a few precious nano-seconds reading that chart. Instead, it just made the call, without even checking. I like it this way. Her confidential statistics are protected. I mean, even the pharmacy’s computer can’t access the information on their own computer. Folks spend millions for that kind of data protection. Okay, maybe not.

Artificial problem

This is called artificial intelligence, which is a misnomer, because it’s neither. If it were intelligent, the call wouldn’t have been made. Also, it’s not artificial. It’s very real, and making real phone calls to unsuspecting humans. And that’s not the worst of it.

I purchased something online a while back. The company asked if I wanted them to save my credit card information, for additional convenience with future purchases. I responded, NO! Of course, I didn’t want them to save my credit card. I may be an idiot, but I’m not stupid. About an hour later, I went back to their site. Acting as if I was making another purchase, I made sure they didn’t keep it.

Money problems

Then, two months later, my statement was showing odd purchases. My son had accidentally subscribed to a music service. How was this possible? I know they don’t have my card information. Well… Not really.

You see while the site deleted the information, the all-powerful Google decided it should be saved anyway. Not only saved, but available for one-click purchases. He hit a wrong button and Google thought it wouldn’t be convenient to ask him to verify his request. So, it didn’t. The thing is, while it took only one click to make the purchase, it took two hour-long phone calls to undo it.

Also, for my convenience, this info was tied to my account. Months later, my laptop broke so I went to the library to check my email. Three days after I did, my account was charged a thousand bucks in retail electronics. Apparently, it was easy for the hackers to get, and use my information. Whereas I, the honest citizen, had to jump through hoops to get my money back. I think the system might need a little tweaking.

It’s just criminal

However, I do understand this completely. Think about it. An honest man can turn on you in a second. While, a crook will undoubtedly be a crook. See, the crook is far more trustworthy.

The bank eventually gave me my money back, but due to difficulties in prosecution, also let the thief keep the merchandise.

This may appear wrong on the surface, but there is logic to it. I did nothing to have my card stolen. Contrary-wise, the hacker had to work very hard writing programs and viruses, before he could make this illegal purchase. He did all the work. Therefore, he should get the biggest reward. It all makes perfect sense. Not!

You’d think they’d solve them

As all this was going on, several of my utilities, wrote to tell me, I could automatically pay online. All I had to do was give them carte-blanche my checking account. I can’t see any problem with that. Can you? “Hi Mr. Ohh! we decided to double your electricity rate. Sorry you didn’t know, but we’ve gone paperless so you don’t get alerts anymore. Of course, ignorance of these changes is no excuse. You have to pay it regardless. Thank you for your patronage.”

Every other day, I read stories about how I should protect my banking information, and the dangers of not doing so. Then on the off days, some company tells me they need my private data, or the world will end.

Is it any wonder I’m so confused.

But they don’t