Sports Talk

A friend of mine’s daughter plays college volleyball. You probably don’t care very much. Well, shame on you! College athletics are important. They teach life skills such as; working as a team, sweating in public, the importance of getting other people to pay for your education, and, as in the case of her team, how to lose with dignity. Let’s just say the Flashes aren’t very good this year.

Of course, even in bad years, you have to support your team. I don’t know why, but everybody keeps telling me that. I much prefer being a fair-weather fan. Latch on to a winning team, and you will never suffer from depression. You will also never have to say, “Just wait till next year!”

Look I’ve seen the San Marino national football club. They’ve won exactly two games since 1986. I’ve got nothing against their fans, but the ‘next year’ they’re waiting for will be sometime around 2153. We can’t possibly wait that long. We’ll be dead and never celebrate that championship. I’m just saying…

Not a fan

Sure, my friends say I’m not loyal, and I’m not a true fan. They’re right. I change alliances, like changing underwear. Well, not like uncle Bert changes underwear. Admittedly, He changes it more often than San Marino wins, but that’s not saying very much. Frankly, I’ve already said too much. Look, all I’m saying is, if you only back winners you never have to cry in your beer. I want my beer without tears thank you very much. The salt water makes it taste funny. But I digress.

Anyway, getting back to the point; My friend asked me to go to one of his daughter’s games. It was very educational. She wears a different colored jersey than everyone else on the team because she’s the Libero, pronounced Lie-Beer-O. I thought that meant she was caught lying about drinking beer, but no. Apparently it means she’s the team’s defensive specialist. What that has to do with lying and beer I have no idea. Then again, I never said I knew everything there was to know about volleyball.

The game itself was very interesting. There were some amazing moments. Sadly, the most amazing thing that happened came while I was at the concession stand. I ordered a soda and popcorn and tried to pay for them. I laid a bill on the counter. The lady informed me, they don’t accept cash. She further explained, the entire college campus didn’t accept it. They were completely cashless!

Can you afford it

This made no sense. When I got back to my friend, I was informed that many colleges across the USA were cashless. What?? It’s written on every bill, in bold black letters, “This Note is Legal Tender for All Debts, Public and Private.” It does not say, “all debts unless you’re at college!”

The real issue is, this is the way things are going. Paying in cash is getting more and more like trying to get regular black coffee at a coffee house. People look at you weird, and question your sanity. What’s worse is this is a complete reversal of everything I’ve learned over the years. When I was younger, I got in some serious trouble with debt. I was informed that the best way to avoid this was to always pay cash, never credit. Now, folks all say, “Build credit and avoid cash.” That’s a hard NO!

Credit is like Noah’s Ark. When you start out, you feel like you’re doing the right thing, and maybe saving the world. Once you start, you feel compelled to keep building and building. Next thing you know is, it’s huge and impossible to get rid of. Sure, it might have been useful once, but you suddenly feel stuck on a mountain, a million miles from home, with a huge thing you can’t get rid of.

Other’s opinions

My children laugh at me for these opinions. They say, “Daaaaaad! Cash is obsolete. Debit cards are much more convenient.” Tell that to an exotic dancer, not that I’ve ever been to one of those places. But I’ve heard talk. If you’re not familiar with how these places work, they go something like this. You sit near the stage, and the dancer comes near you. If you like them, you put a dollar in her garter, or his shorts. I’ll admit it doesn’t make much sense, but there’s drinking involved. So, what do you expect?

Anyway, can you imagine a cashless society? Every girl would have to have a card reader attached to her garter, so some guy can swipe his card. What if he forgets his PIN? I mean, alcohol is part of this experience. It gets a bit uncomfortable just standing there, while some strange guy looks at your thigh trying to remember his anniversary, or wife’s birthday.

Wht it won’t work

That’s not the worst of it. Say you’re on some dark street and a dark figure pulls a gun saying, “Give me your debit card!” You fearfully hand it to him. Then the two of you argue for ten minutes about how much you’re depositing into his Venmo account. Handing him cash, and running away is a great time saver.

My grandmother used to keep cash in her shoe, for emergencies. She was also a very wise investor. As she got older, she actually looked taller instead of that old lady shrinkage happening. Imaging telling her she had to use a card exclusively. “Grammy? You seem to have shrunk seven-inches overnight.”

“Those darn banks did this to me. This is why we kept our cash in the mattress. Very Fluffy!”

Then again, we’ve all seen those signs at the gas station; Cash, one price and Card, ten to fifteen cents more. Don’t you believe it folks. It’s a scam! If nobody has cash, nobody can get the ‘cash’ price. Of course, they have to be careful with this. If they lower the ‘cash’ price too much, people will start using it. Nobody wants that. Well, nobody but me.

It’s your business

Also, there’s a whole bunch of lost fun. How many times have you been to a small business, and there was a framed dollar on the wall? That’s the first bit of money that place made. Can you imagine doing that with somebody’s card? “I’m sorry Mr. Smith, but I can’t give you your card back. I’m going to frame it and hang it in my office.” He’s not going to let you. He’ll think you’re an identity thief. Honestly, being accused of being a thief is really bad for business.

Also, think about when you got your first paycheck? You were so happy. Your mom wanted to take a picture of it. But all you wanted to do is cash that sucker and walk around with a wad of bills on your pocket. You wanted all singles, so you could just toss notes randomly into the air. Well, I did anyway.

You can’t do that with a card. You toss it and it falls to the ground. Rather disappointing. Especially when there’s people around to catch it. If they catch a few bills, that’s not so bad. If it’s the card, they have your life savings.

Think about it.