My Life in color

My princess is finally a senior in high school. Please don’t pity me. I feel bad enough for myself as it is. I thought the whole daughter thing was bad, but when the senior thing crashed into it, the chaos I call my life took on a whole new meaning. All of a sudden she’s worried if college-colored sweaters might clash with her eyes. You heard it right folks!!! Yes, she likes red, but can’t decide if the scarlet of Ohio State, goes better or worse, than the crimson of Alabama with the gray of both. Then again men at MIT might be too nerdy, while the name Stanford is just too weird and she doesn’t want to be associated with it. “How else would you choose a school, dad?” She once asked me.” Yea, it’s like that!

My son’s school colors are gold and brown, except for the football team which is gold and black. I asked someone in the athletics department about this. The reason is; When it comes to uniforms Black is a standard color and Brown is a special order. So, they’re saving money by subbing the colors. At least I know my hard-earned tuition payments are padding corrupt pockets wisely.

My college colors are blue and yellow. Actually, they’re sapphire and gold, but they sure look blue and yellow to me. Either way, this is about the only thing I remember from my college days. My major was business, but during the evening I studied sociology, and biochemistry, specifically the effects of alcohol on young adults. Consequently, the time is a bit foggy, but I remember the colors, and I’m loyal to them to this day.

Be true to whoever

That’s the thing. These days everybody expects you to be extremely loyal to them no matter what. I ordered a shed from a pre-fab buildings company, and the first thing they wanted to know, “Are you a returning customer?” How many sheds do they think I’m going to buy in my life. Here’s a clue; ONE! I am not a returning customer, and I’m not likely to ever be one. But I had to tell them that before I could look at sheds.

Everyplace I go has a loyalty program, and the moment I try to make a purchase they ask me if I’m a member. If I’m not they want to tell me about it for ten minutes. If I am they want to tell me I’ve been approved for their credit card. I don’t want their card. I also don’t want the speech. Either way I lose. This is called customer service.

How things change

When I was a kid, I remember mom cutting coupons out of the paper, and taking them to the market. It didn’t matter what market; they were just coupons. Now my market only offers discounts to members of their loyalty program. Some are great, but it’s a perk of the program. If I happen to go someplace else I can’t use their offers, because I’m not loyal to them.

This brings up the enigma; To be able to shop wherever I want I have to belong to everyone’s loyalty program. If I do this, I’m not shopping at any store enough to get the perks for being loyal to anyone. Therefore, to be loyal, I have to be inconvenienced. I don’t want to be inconvenienced so I’m not loyal. However, I belong to all their programs, so they think I’m loyal, and send me stuff to entice me to come by. When I don’t use these, I feel guilty because I could’ve saved a bunch of cash. If I would have destroyed my life, and shopped at them all, the way they wanted. I’m seriously considering buying a bottle of bourbon and restarting my college research, but I can’t figure out who’ll give the most loyalty perks on alcohol.

Everybody jump up on the band wagon

It’s not just the markets; Gas stations, Restaurants, Drug stores, Fast food places, Banks, Donut shops, Car dealerships, Furniture places, Department stores, and even Fitness-centers all have loyalty programs. Are they serious? Gyms? How many gyms do they think I’m going to join? I don’t go to the one I belong to. I’m certainly not going to start paying another one. Now, donut shops are another story. I can see why they might try to press me into being loyal. Where I live you can get a donut on almost every corner, and all have their plusses and minuses. We’re not Seattle where there’s a gym on every corner. So, yea, you gotta be loyal to your donut shop.

The thing is, it makes me wonder. If I belong to all these loyalty programs, which I do, then that means I’m in all of their databases. If I’m in all those databases then each one is another potential for my name and address to be hacked. Worse, the way all these programs identify you is by your phone number. So, if I get hacked it’s just more of a chance for me to get a call during dinner to see if I want to buy aluminum siding. I probably wouldn’t, but if I did I’d have to join their loyalty program as well. It’s a never-ending cycle.

It makes me feel sick

Another thing that scares me is, “What if hospitals jump on this trend?” Where I live there are three major hospital systems. Each one has clinics all over. You don’t choose where you have an emergency. What happens if you break your leg in the wrong part of town? I can see showing up in the ER and the first thing the nurse asks you is, “Okay Mr. Ohh!, what is your loyalty card number?” Even if you are a member, it might not be convenient to pull out your card. If you’re not, does that mean you’ll wait longer? “We’re sorry your appendix burst, but you see the others in the waiting room are loyalty members. If you want I can have Carrie come over to talk to you about signing up.” I bet Carrie has a great success rating. It staggers the imagination.

Of course, they have to offer perks to entice folks to join. What would they be like? Perhaps, a free colonoscopy after a hundred approved provider visits. Doctors actually, nurse practitioners would have to be worth less. It just stands to reason. If they’re anything like the markets, they’re going to need catchy jingle to play in the halls and waiting rooms to remind folks to join up. What would that sound like? It would have to be cute, catchy, and to the point. Also, it would have to be something annoying that you’d never get out of your head. An earworm of epic proportions. Like the Munchkin Song from The Wizard of OZ!

Sing Along

♫We represent the Disabled League♪

♪The Broken leg Staff♪

♪Internal Med Team ♪

♪And in the name of The Disabled Leeeeeeeeeaggge♫

♫We wish to welcome you to Hospital!!!!♫

Yea, something like that.

It’s all about me

Actually, I should set something up like that, for this blog. The thing is; How would I know you were staying true to me? You might be reading other blogs, and never saying a word.

How Disloyal!