You’ve been promoted

Congratulations to everyone reading this. You have just become an elite group, whether you know it or not. Actually, you do know it, because I’m telling you right now. It doesn’t matter if you follow my exploits or just happened by. You have been selected by the great AI gods, to be allowed to hear my words.

This may sound egotistical, but it’s all true. Technology has deemed my words unworthy for the masses. Well at least for two-thousand, of your compatriots. Folks who like you, want nothing more than to seek my wisdom. Sadly, there is nothing I can do about it. Maybe I should explain.

I share my posts on social media. I’m told by my children this is what social media is for; To share ideas in an open forum. Actually, there’s only idea I wish to convey; That everyone should laugh more. Unhappily, this revolutionary knowledge is against all forms of common decency. Computers want us to be drones, only posting sad blogs, with morose messages.

I’ve been demoted

I have fought the good fight, but unfortunately there have been several hundred casualties. It’s true! I have over two-thousand followers on Facebook. Facebook has determined that my good spirits, and non-combative nature, have no place in their forums. They shut me down!! Humor has been deemed evil, in their complex reality. They want people screaming angrily at each other, in long threads, which make no sense.

The excuse they gave for suspending my account was, “Our technology has determined that this is a robotic account.” This is completely stupid, and an obviously falsified, for their convenience. Think about it. I write humor and comedy. I’ve seen robotic attempts at wit. They are not the same.

What computers say about me

Actually, I think AI must be jealous of my abilities to create laughter. It can’t tell a joke to save its life. Consequently, it must shut down all those better than itself. It’s true. This is a quote of what AI thinks of my post: Welcome Back To Sale, Oops My Bad!!;

The content covers the themed “Back-To-School” sales, but the tone and structure could be refined for better engagement. Consider the following actions: Maintain a consistent tone throughout the post. Organize the content into concise sections or paragraphs for better readability. Acknowledge the potential relevance of some non-traditional items in Back-To-School sales while emphasizing the need for focus on essential school-related items. Consider providing more concrete examples to support the arguments made. Proofread for grammatical errors to maintain professionalism.

Wow! That’s a bit harsh. Maybe I should give up this whole ‘Writing’ thing? I’m not concise, organized, relevant, professional, or even clear. Although, it would be clearer if I gave more examples. This is why AI has to lose. This post is a rant. It’s here to make folks laugh at the stupidity of marketing. It’s not supposed to be relevant or professional. But I’m getting off topic.

What I say about computers

Anyway, Facebook thinks I’m a robot. An unclear, disorganized robot to be sure, but a robot nonetheless. Well, I wasn’t going to lose all those followers without a fight. I appealed my case to their technology, and asked for a review. That’s when the hammer came down hard. I was permanently banned. The computers gave no reason. They just banned me. I went to the No-Help-At-All desk and asked, why?

I was informed I had to check the forums. Now, the forums are places where you post a question, and then some random person answers it. Not Facebook people mind you, other idiots who may, or may not have had the same problem.

The forums said to log into my account and then I’d get help. I can’t log into my account. That’s the problem. All I got when I said that was, “Do you remember your password?” Yes, I remember my password, and when I type it in it tells me I’m banned.

Three days after my banishment, I got an email. This told me I could request more assistance, by logging into my linked Instagram account. I don’t have an Instagram account. Even if I did, they would’ve shut it down because I’m a robot. Either way, Facebook seems to think I do. Another thing AI got completely wrong.

Not very social media

The actual text of that mail is: Your Facebook account was suspended because your Instagram account dangductAI doesn’t follow our rules. You have 116 days left to appeal. Log into your linked Instagram account to appeal our decision.

Look at the account name. Does that sound like me? No! That sounds like an AI generated name. AI is part of the name, for crying out loud. AI created a robot account just to get back at me. It sounds paranoid, but you’d be paranoid too, if everyone was out to get you. Of course, the robots never sent me the log-in information. If I can’t log in, I can’t appeal.

The “No Help What-so-ever” desk

I wasn’t going to be defeated. I searched the internet for a way to contact a person at Facebook. I actually found a number. (650) 543-4800 is the Facebook customer service number. I’m including the number because you have to hear the recording. Basically, it says, “This is the number to customer service. But we’re not allowed to talk to you. So there! Log in to your account, and leave us alone.” Okay, that was helpful.

If at first you don’t succeed

Finally, I decided the old account was dead. The only way to get those followers back would be to open a new account and start over. Grrr! I tried that. Last week I set up a new account. I put in all the requested information, and started setting up my page. As it takes a while, I didn’t finish before I was needed elsewhere.

Two hours later, I tried to enter my new account. It was suspended, because they couldn’t verify my picture. I understand this. I hadn’t posted one yet. The thing is, half the accounts I’ve seen on FaceCrap don’t have verifiable pictures. The pictures are of cats, dogs, cars, and various body parts. Why aren’t they verifying those accounts? It’s only me.

I’m telling you; AI is against me. Yes, I’ve been vocal with my distain. However, I never imagined it hated me back. I guess it sort of makes sense. Although, I just never guessed computers had feelings to hurt. Either way, I’m certainly not buying them flowers or apologizing.

Try Try Again

 So, there I was. Posed with a problem. If I want those followers back, do I tell the truth and possibly get shut down again? Or, do I hide my true self, somewhere in the seedy underbelly of this great internet beast? I chose the latter, thinking it would be more fun to write about.

I clicked on the button to appeal the technology’s decision. It asked me to complete a puzzle. Which I did correctly. That simple AI concluded I was a human. Yea!! It then forced me to upload a picture. I sent a photo of Connie Haynes. She’s a singer from the 1930’s. I know about her from listening to the Abbott & Costello radio program. She’s also a whole lot better looking than I am.

Viva La-Resistance!!