Old Crininals

I fully admit I try to get away with as much as I can. However, I don’t consider myself a crook. On the other hand, Bonnie and Clyde were considered heroes by the common man, because they robbed banks which took away people’s houses. Of course, those common folks never saw a bit of the cash B & C took from the banks. Then again, Bonnie and Clyde were broke, and running from the law most of the time. So, they didn’t get to enjoy it much either.

Look, bullets are expansive, and the sudden cash influx from a bank robbery, really messes up your tax calculations. They ended up sending most of their profits to the government they were stealing from. Then that very same government shot them one-hundred-thirty times. Talk about severe penalties for missing a scheduled payment. They really should have looked into payroll deduction. They robbed several payrolls they could have deducted from.

New Criminals

However, I am not here to speak about the gangsters of a hundred years ago. I’m here to talk about crooks. One of which I am not. At least I don’t want to be one. But corporations keep trying to make a crook out of me. “How do they do this?” You may ask? I am of course speaking about self-service machines.

Just the other day, I went to an ATM and requested sixty dollars. The machine spit out one-hundred, because the bills were stuck together. Trying to be a good citizen I went in and tried to give the extra money back. They wouldn’t take it. Their computer told them it only gave me three twenties not five. It must be my mistake, certainly not their AI.

Now I never claimed to be a math genius, but I can count to five. I know I have five fingers on my left hand, to give me a frame of reference, even if I couldn’t count that high. Also, I’m usually wrong. I triple check everything. Therefore, when I say I received five twenties, you can take it to the bank. Just not that bank.

This can’t possibly be right

Either way, the highly intelligent bank said, “No. You’re wrong Mr. Ohh!. We are a Financial Institution. People make mistakes. Financial Institutions don’t!!!” I went on my way, leaving them to believe whatever fantasy they wanted. I accepted my ill-gotten gains and took my wife out to dinner. I am also not planning to tell the IRS about it either. That’s probably the biggest crime of all.

This wasn’t the first time this happened to me. In my forty years of dealing with banks it’s the fourth. Each time I’ve tried to give the cash back and have always been denied being a good citizen. As a result, I’ve joined an elite group; John Dillinger, Bonnie and Clyde, Yosemite Sam, and Mr. Ohh! Notorious bank robbers all.

The problem is, I don’t want to be. I want to be the voice of insanity in a crazy world. Or was that a crazy voice in an insane world? Either way, I want to try to be good, and let the stupidity of others shine. My idiocy should not be the issue here. Sadly, the world wants me to be a criminal.

You-Steal oops scan

Take self-check outs for instance. I understand they want me to scan my own groceries. But do they have to make thievery a requirement? You’re think I’m nuts, and I am, but not about this.

I was in a chain drugstore the other day. There was no one at the counter, but they had two self-service kiosks. I tried to do the right thing. I went up to one of them and began scanning my stuff. My most expensive item, a bag of chocolate, would not scan. I tried about ten times before I called for help. No one came. I waited several minutes then noticed I was only ten feet, or three meters, from the door.

By this time, I could’ve walked out with anything. But like a good citizen, I waited. I waited four minutes, before my calling drew the attention of a clerk, who was angry I bothered her. She couldn’t figure out why it wouldn’t scan either. She left me there, saying she had to get someone else. I waited several more minutes, remembering the door was still only ten feet away. Believe me, anyone who’d say they weren’t tempted is lying.

Eventually, they came back. The new lady took me to another register, checked me out manually, and sent me on my way. I was in that store over thirty minutes. If I’d have been a crook, I could have been out in five. My mother always used to tell me, “It costs nothing to do the right thing.” Well, that’s a big, “Nope!” It cost me fifteen minutes arguing in the bank, and a half hour of my life waiting in a drugstore.

I can resist anything but temptation

These are just two examples. I can’t tell you the number of times I could’ve bucked the system and gotten away with it. I read stories of folks planning for months to steal something. Who needs to put in that much effort, when criminal opportunities present themselves every day?

Somebody say’s some vending machine took their cash every day. I don’t know if they’re telling the truth or not. I do know the vending reps are ordered to give the money back without question. It’s like they want me to be dishonest.

Case study

I made an experiment. I went to a store which has a person standing at the door whose job it is to check receipts. I took a medium sized item to the self-check machine that was furthest away. I took no bag. Placing the receipt in my pocket I walked back into the main store and came down the aisle right by the door. I walked past the guy at the door waving with my hand that had the item in it. He didn’t ask to see my proof-of-purchase. He waved back. I wasn’t stealing. But everything I did should have told him I was.

Of course, the new trend in Big-Box stores is to not have a cashier by the door. For convenience, customers can cash out at several places around the store. There is a security stand at the entrance for checking purchases. The thing is, management cut the budget, and they don’t staff that stand. Then they wonder why they lose so much in theft. Look I’m an idiot and I don’t have a business degree, but I bet I can tell them why.

Intelligent question, stupid answer

I worked at one of those places to make some extra holiday cash last year. I actually asked the manager why he did this. He told me, “These things create a friendlier environment, and more people come in to the store.” Can’t argue with that. More people do come into the store, and leave with various items. It’s just that… Well.

I have a small business selling crafts. I insist folks actually pay for the stuff they get. Then again, I’m not a Fortune 500 company.

So Maybe I’m The crazy One??