It started so easily

I would have like to have said I was sitting under a tree in the shade, but the truth was it was it was just too dang hot. Therefore, I was sitting in the shade of my reading lamp, well maybe not shade, but work with me here. Yes I was sitting there reading a book with almost no pictures at all. Of course, at my age, reading a book full of pictures, and not having a child on my knee would be a sign of senility. We all know how sane Mr. Ohh! is, so my book had no pictures, and that was okay.

I was relaxed. My eyes were starting to droop. The words of the book were starting to run together, and I had just read the same short paragraph for the third time. When out of the corner of my sleepy eye, I saw a black rabbit wearing a multi colored collar. This was very strange. Baby-Bun-Bun should not have been in the living room where I was reading. My daughter had taken her outside. That’s when I heard the cry, “Catch that rabbit. She got away again.”  This is why I jumped up, and started chasing a black rabbit in a colored color. Perhaps not as Disneyfied as a young blond wearing a pinafore chasing a white rabbit in a waistcoat, but hey Lewis Carroll has his hallucinations, and I have mine. Around my house, you take what you can get.

Malice in Mr. Ohh! Land

The rabbit disappeared down a hole we call the basement. Now, the only things in our basement are storage boxes and laundry. The rabbit found a hole in the back of the dryer, and camped there. Using a pool noodle I fished her out and then, in the spirit of Carroll himself, who is a spirit by the way, so it works out, I chased that rabbit like I was in a caucus race. Backward, forward, outward, inward. Bottom to the top. Never a beginning. There can never be a stop. Who’s the dodo now?

No, I did not catch the rabbit. She got tired and ran back to her habitat. I did however, awaken the Cheshire Cat who was not smiling. She disappeared, then reappeared on my leg, with teeth and claws bared, only to disappear again. As I was walking up the stairs, she reappeared a second time opening wounds on my arm. No matter what the stories say, Cheshire Cats are grumpy when you disturb them.

I should have drunk

I went to the table in the kitchen and saw a bottle with a sign. No, it did not say, “Drink Me.” That’s a whole different bottle. This one said, “Put me on you wounds, so they don’t get infected!” Under the current circumstances, this was probably better for all concerned. I did as instructed, and went to find a piece of cake that said, “Eat Me” That’s when Wonder Dog showed up. Walking into the kitchen he laid on the rug looking as innocent as a new born puppy. Little did I know.

 First I placed a plate on the table then went to the cupboard and selected a package my favorite snack cakes. As I reached for them I noticed the back of the box, which read, “Nutrition Information.” With the bleeding under control, I was in a pondering mood. The nutrition of these cakes is NONE. If you held a two-ounce piece of lard in one hand, and the cake in the other, you would be hard pressed to tell which was less healthy. Yet the box proudly proclaimed the nutrition on the label; Vitamins, None, Fiber, None, Antioxidants, Yeah Right, Salt, More than you should have, Sugars, Lots, Fats, A WHOLE FREAKING BUNCH!!! Actually, the government never uses the word ‘freaking,’ I adlibbed that for effect. Sorry if I offended anyone. Either way, I really don’t pay much attention to those labels. I live with a cat, so I’m not planning on being around forever. This cake is the least of my worries.

Don’t Eat Me

Anyway, I poured a cup of coffee and put two cakes on the plate. At that moment, my wife called, saying I forgot to lock the rabbit in. I went upstairs and secured Baby-Bun-Bun and returned to my snack. The coffee was there, the plate was there, the dog was in the corner looking sleepy, ready for a nap. But the cakes were gone. Now, I had lost a lot of blood. Perhaps this caused me to not remember correctly. Therefore, I put two cakes on the plate, and took plate and cup to my favorite chair. I left the dog in the kitchen. Before sitting, I went to find my book where I dropped it during the rabbit chase.

Upon returning, I looked in the kitchen, the dog was there. By the chair the plate, and cup were there. T he cakes were missing. The first time could have been my fault. But I knew those cakes were on that plate the second time. This was truly a mystery for Sherlock Holmes. Sadly, Sherlock doesn’t live here, so I had to solve this myself. I put two more cakes on the plate. Next, I set mine and my wife’s phones to record video, put one in the kitchen, and one by the plate. Then I stepped away for a few seconds.

Did Alice have a dog?

Upon returning, the cakes were gone. Checking the video, I found I was being scammed by Wonder Dog. As soon as I left the kitchen he got up and look around the corner waiting for me to leave the cakes alone. In a move worthy of a movie comedy, he snuck to the chair, ate the cakes in one gulp leaving no crumbs, and slunk back to the kitchen and laid down with a “Who Me?” look on his face. He knew he did wrong and was looking innocent. Why that bryllyg little slythy tove, when I catch him I’ll outgrabe his mome raths!

The thing is, to do my investigation, I used up all my cakes. I got none. I got mad as a hatter, and chased that dog outside. We probably looked like Tweedledum and Tweedledee. Eventually he got into the garage, with me hot on his tail. Trying to get away he broke into some bags I have there and between the two of us we got sand all over the garage. It looked like a beach. I never did catch the dog, but in the words of the Walrus and Carpenter, “I wept like anything to see such quantities of sand.” Also, I wasn’t hiring seven maids with seven mops. I’d have to clean it up later.

The door to Wonder (dog) Land

Yep it had been quite a morning. I bet all of you pet owners have probably had similar days. Yes, they’re a joy but sometimes but… Well, I went back to my chair, and Wonder Dog laid his head on my lap. I closed my eyes, relaxed, and scratched behind his ears. After a few seconds, I was exactly where I was when the fiasco started. My eyes shot open, I jumped with a start, and I screamed.

It Wasn’t All Just A Dream!!!