A Disclaimer

I don’t want to sound judgmental, but there are an awful lot of idiots out there. Everyone has the right to be stupid, and I will defend this right to my dying day. Founding fathers died defending you right to be nuts. On the other hand, way too many folks are abusing this privilege. I’m not talking about ignorance. Ignorance can be cured. That’s why Mr. Ohh! spreads his weekly wisdom, to educate the world, dispel ignorance, and let people know the way things are. This is a really noble thing to do, and it’s hard to remain humble. But somehow my humility remains intact. Wow! I’m good.

Television (exciting)

I’ve often spoke that television can be stupid. Then again, sometimes silly entertainment can be good for the soul. Therefore, I make my opinions known, and allow you all to make your own decisions. Even though I know the masses can’t possibly be as smart as me. It’s a tough burden, but I bare it, and look good doing it.

However, it is not the television content that I wish to address today. I’m worried about the availability of television. When TV was invented, there was a problem; There were no TV shows. Without shows most folks got bored of watching blank staticy screens, and sales of new sets plumeted. I’m sure there were a few great salesmen who could convince folks to buy sets even when there were no shows, but I bet the return rate was pretty high after a few weeks. It just didn’t catch on with the masses. So, the National Broadcasting Company, or NBC, was born.

History (boring)

NBC started making shows, so folks would have something to watch if they bought a TV. Ipso Facto, folks started buying TV’s so they could watch NBC’s shows. It’s the sort of underhanded corporate collusion that companies have been getting away with for years. In fact, the first NBC station was broadcast from General Electric headquarters, a company that made televisions. No conspiracy here. Yea Right!

NBC got panicky about having a monopoly so they spun off the American Broadcasting Company, or ABC. And then there were two. As I understand it later a drug cartel created the Columbia Broadcasting System, or CBS. Why Columbia put a station in New York, and not Bogota, I’ll never understand. But that’s what they did. So, there were three television broadcasting companies in the US.

When I was very young that’s all there were. They were all free, and no body complained. Sadly, some major idiots got promoted at these companies. They thought it was a good idea to make folks pay for stuff they could get for nothing. And people did it! Suddenly, there were bunches of cable channels, which you could pay for. Then there were extra Satellite TV channels, which you could pay even more for. The thing is, you never paid for both. It was one or the other. Then the technology, and the idiots took over.

Streaming services (?)

Fast forward to now. We have streaming TV. Not only do we pay for it. But we have to pay for multiple services. Say you like space dramas. You’d have to pay ten bucks a month for Paramount+ to see Star Trek, and fourteen more to see Star Wars. My dad’s first cable bill was eight-fifty, and he could get both. That’s just an example of two of them. I’ve counted over fifteen services which cost over eight bucks each. Technology is supposed to improve our lives. Not make it more pricey for the same stuff. I don’t care who you are, this is not an example of an improvement.

Of course, smart folks started sharing passwords, to defray some of the cost. Then Netflix came out with GPS on its service, and disconnects you if you leave home. True story, my brother tried to log into his account while camping, and the crap-heads closed his account. It took him two weeks to get it back.

A compairison that must be made

Being the person I am, I noticed something else. At the same time cable TV was coming into its own, more and more people started flying on business. This means more executives were spending more time in airports. Coincidence? I don’t think so. You see last week I got sent on an emergency trip to Chicago. I learned a simple fact; Folks who work in airports haven’t got a clue.

I was checking into my flight, and the lady, whose job it was to help inexperienced folks like me, yelled at me for being inexperienced. One person said another TSA line was moving faster, but couldn’t tell me where the better line was located. I tripped and twisted my ankle. I put some ice on it. They called EMS and I had to sign a form saying I refused to go to the hospital.

Do you see where I’m going here? Executives fly more, and then they come up with more stupid ideas. I figure there has to be a mysterious Idiocy Tonic in airport air which turns normal folks stupid. I don’t know exactly where it comes from, but when I find the source, I’ll be sure to turn it off.

Recipe for Disaster

My best guess is it’s somehow associated with Hudson News. There are millions of those places in airports, and they all have commonalities not found anywhere else. There is no other place in the world where newsprint books are so close to plastic bottles of Gatorade, and also right on top of Flaming Hot Cheetos. Perhaps the smell from these items in combination creates the dangerous vapor. Add the various antiperspirant scents people are wearing and the air in these places is downright toxic.

 For a while I was thinking jet fuel exhaust might be the issue. Then I learned the air is specifically filtered against that. But they’re still willing to put a Starbucks next to a tequila bar. The coffee/alcohol smell combination is probably just as dangerous. We just don’t know. We know more about the surface of Mars than we do about the air inside airports. Remember this; No human, man, woman, or child, has ever turned into and idiot breathing the Martian atmosphere. Gives you something to think about. Doesn’t it?

The real problem with my discovery is, there are so many possible combinations which could be at fault. Chanel number five, and siracha sauce for instance. You’ll notice there are never any Japanese restaurants next to the perfume counter of your local department store. Coincidence? I don’t think so. Then there’s Coach bags and those neck pillows. These two items come dangerously close together in airports, and no place else. How about cheap carpet and uncomfortable seats? So many ingredients, with too many combinations?

Or disaster being given a recipe

Of course, there could be something way more sinister at work here. What if the Idiot-mist is intentional, not accidental. TSA hasn’t got a clue. They’re making us take off our shoes while evil forces are contaminating the air. Then again, having hundreds of people take off their shoes in a small space, is pretty air-contaminating all by itself.

That’s it. Next trip, I’m wearing a gas mask. Let them think I’m the idiot.

Wait a second?