I should not need a disclaimer here…

Just for the record; I am not personally responsible for global warming. Also, just because I cut down a tree, does not mean I’m contributing to deforestation of the rainforests. The tree had been killed by ants, and was in a temperate zone. I guess my yard is pretty temperate. So, that statement is true.

I state these truths because every nature documentary seems to believe I am directly accountable for these things. Have you ever watched one? They start out great, showing pictures of eagles, fish, insects, and slimy things, which really have no right to live anyway. But there they are.

Next, they get very interesting, describing how slime molds are great for the environment. Apparently, they do something for the bacteria in the soil, which makes grass grow, so rabbits can eat the grass, and get killed by everything else. Seriously, the environment is not very pro-rabbit. Me? I like rabbits. I have one in my house. I don’t like that Baby-Bun-Bun likes to chew on everything in sight, but you have to take the good with the bad.

But you know how that works out

After an hour of interesting beauty, the documentaries state emphatically that I’m personally, destroying all of this natural splendor. They seem to think I’m rushing to Antarctica once a week with a Zippo lighter, just to melt the ice floes.

Yes! Environmental issues are important. But I should be able to look at a picture of an octopus, without being reminded that the natives of the rainforests are suffering. Actually, I’ve seen a lot of these nature shows, and not one of them show octopuses in rainforests at all. Although, there are parrot-fish in the ocean, so I guess there could be an octopus-bird. I just haven’t heard of it yet.

Wishing I could deny commercials

All this being said, I am definitely for saving the environment. I’m just not pro having issues shoved down my throat. The trouble is, every issue of today is this way. Traffic accidents are bad, and you need lawyers to make sure justice is served. On the other hand, do I really need a hundred law office commercials every time I sit down to watch some video or another? It’s annoying!

What really baffles me is medication ads. I can see advertising aspirin, because you can go buy it anytime you want. Yes, various brands need to show their advantages. All well and good. The thing is, if a doctor has to prescribe a medicine, then maybe it’s better for the doctor to know about it. Instead of having some random idiot bringing it to their attention, because of a flashy ad. I’m just saying.

Enterainment used to be entertaining

The worst things are talk shows. Those things are so far one direction or another, I’m surprised they don’t fall of the edge of the Earth. The worst part of that is, every celebrity on Earth, and probably a few from Mars, want to be a talk show host. Curse you, Jack Parr! Jack Parr pioneered the idea of a talk shows. Well, his pioneering went all the way to the Pacific Ocean, and back again. There are more than thirty talk shows on TV, and way more on radio. All of them have an opinion, and want us all to believe the same way.

Personally, I don’t care how they believe. I agree with some and disagree with others. The thing is most of the hosts are flat out infuriating. I’ve made a moderate study of idiots, and even have my own personal Hall-Of-Fame. Talk show hosts on both sides of the aisle always rank very near the top. Also, I don’t have to wait a year to nominate new entries. There’s more coming every day.

Friends…

 I was at a party once where a Democrat friend, and I were talking about one such host. A Republican friend chimed in, feeling the guy was almost always right in his predictions. This wasn’t necessarily true by the way, but also beside the point. I said I never listened to the guy; Not because of his views, because his attitude was like a cheese grater on my very being.

As this was a fairly friendly party, my Democrat friend suggested we listen to his favorite host. No, they didn’t have the cheese grater effect. It was more like a Cuisinart to the foot. I’m not saying what your views should be, but how do folks listen to these people?? It’s gotten so bad; I no longer vote for any candidate. I vote against the party with the worst talk show hosts.

Reporters…

I’m told there was a time when we had The News. Reporters went out and found out what was going on. Folks listened to them and formed opinions about what they heard. Different people formed different more-or-less educated opinions, and that’s really cool. There were supposedly forums for real folks to debate their opinions. That way objections could be raised and consensus could be reached. It must have been a glorious time.

Countrymen

Sadly, by my arrival on the planet, this situation devolved into a screaming match where the only thing said by everyone is, “My opinions are right and perfect. You’d have to have the brain of a piece of snail poop if you don’t see it all my way.” The issue is; The very definition of ‘Opinion’ is what is believed. Beliefs can move around faster than a fart in a windstorm.

As is mostly the case, technology has taken a bad situation, and made it worse. With technology anybody can be a talk show host, and spread their views across the globe. I’m doing it right now. The thing is, I’m smart enough to know I’m an idiot, and my opinions are based on faulty assumptions. They all can’t possibly be right. Frankly the knowledge of your own stupidity is very freeing. You should try it some time.

Lend me your intelligence

The Chinese have a saying… Actually, they have lots of sayings. In point of fact, every culture on the planet has lots of sayings. Sayings; are kind of what cultures do. However, the Chinese one I’m thinking of is; Don’t jump in puddles wearing your best shoes. My aunt said this all the time and she was old and Asian. Therefore, the saying must be ancient Chinese as well. It just makes sense.

This saying may not be apropos, but I always think of it when listening to people who believe they’re always right. They happily jump into those puddles without thinking of what they’re wearing. Consequently, they ruin their expensive shoes and soak their socks. Wet socks are uncomfortable. Now, if you did this dumbness to yourself, you’d have to defend it. No one wants to look like an idiot. Therefore, they go to great lengths and will say almost anything in their defense.

Not lame excuses!!!

Sadly, most of the defensive statements never sound truthful. They sound more like this, “Yes, I willingly jumped into that puddle. I did it for you. I did it so you never have to know the tragedy of soaked socks. This makes me wonderful. Therefore, you should all listen to everything I say.”

I’m not buying it. I still say the puddle won that bout.