Stop Sign

“Our daughters are the most precious of our treasures, the dearest possessions of our homes and the objects of our most watchful love.” This is a quote from Margaret Sangster. Who was she? I had no idea, until I asked the all-powerful Google. Google knows everything. Especially, things I don’t want to know, and have no need of knowing. Unless, I’m planning on entering a trivia contest. Sadly, in that case, I’m not allowed to use the computer.

Then again computers cheat. There’s a computer called Watson, who wins trivia contests simply for being the fastest at asking Google. Supposedly, when Watson won it proved something about AI. It proved it’s not as good as regular people. The people playing knew the answers, and never had to ask anybody. So there! Stick that in your server, and smoke it.

Ha, no computer would’ve ever said that. Machines never allow themselves to be sidetracked. It takes real-live humans for that level of distraction. If they want AI to learn like a person, they’ll have to increase their stupidness factor. As a side note machines are too attentive. Engineers need to work some boredom software into them as well. That’s just my opinion. Now, what was I saying?

Lerner’s permit

Anyway, Google told me Margaret Sangster was a poet in the late nineteenth century. This explains two things; The reason I’ve never heard of her, and the fact she never met my daughter. I don’t know what daughters were like in Margaret’s time. If you go by this quote, they certainly have changed a whole bunch. Then again, daughters could’ve been the same as they are now, and she’d been drinking heavily. Heavy drinking always comes to my mind when I think of my daughter.

For instance; My little girl is finally old enough to get her driver’s license, and I’m willing to teach her. Unfortunately, she hates the thought of driving a car. She feels cars are death machines. I offered to help her find alternatives to driving. “Oh No!” She screamed. She wants to learn to drive, so she can get a motorcycle.

Slippery when wet

In her mind cars are dangerous but motorcycles are sweet. Sweet? For me, just the thought of her on a bike, is making me have kittens. When I told her this, she asked me if I could have puppies instead. She likes dogs better. Somehow, I don’t feel I’m getting the support I wanted.

I know many of you might like motorcycles, and that’s fine. However, think about this. Whenever you buy a bike, the first thing you hear about is CC’s. When I was young a big bike was a two-fifty. Now cc’s are a measure of volume. Volume could be anything. Like beer for instance. That got me thinking. It’s not about engine size. It’s about how much alcohol you have to consume, to have the nerve to jump on the darn thing.

Think about it. A hundred cc’s is about the size of a large shot glass. So, if you look at a small bike, you grab a quick gulp of beer an you’re ready to go. These days those things are much bigger. Like a thousand cc’s, or more. I’ve seen those scary machines. It would take me a liter of beer to get on one.

Now, the riders of those monsters, get on them several times a day. That’s gallons of beer. It’s no wonder you see so many bikes parked outside of bars. I’m not judging them. Heck, some folks say any excuse to drink is a good one. I know several riders, and they prove my theory. But enough about that.

Compacts

Remember, back then, people were touting the greatness of smaller cars. In fact, my first car had a smaller engine than today’s motorcycles. I called it my pregnant roller-skate. Heck, these days roller-skates are bigger than that car. And that’s the point.

When it comes to ruling the road, no one can agree on what’s right. On one side is the Mini-Cooper, or Smart-Car. Both are very popular, and easy to repair. Two or three rubber-bands and you’re on your way.

The other side of this coin tout’s SUV’s and trucks. To board one of these behemoths, you need a ladder. Driving one, for long distances can change the rotation of the earth. I’m not saying which is right. It doesn’t matter if you have to sit in the backseat just to squeeze behind the steering-wheel. Or if the front of your car is at your destination while the back is still in your driveway. Have it your way. I just wonder why everything has to be so extreme.

Limos

Unquestionably, the biggest argument in this big vs little fight goes to the Big Fans. They say, “In the event of an accident, big cars are safer.” What? Are they intending to get into a demolition derby with their shiny new SUV? Is this some fun new thing I haven’t heard about? I’m not buying it. When I learned to drive the mantra was, “Don’t hit stuff.” If you don’t hit anything, size doesn’t matter. Contrary-wise, my last car was run over by a truck. Afterwards, it was as flat as a tortilla. Again, size didn’t matter. Neither large, nor small pancakes are drivable.

On the other hand, the argument small car drivers always give is, “They’re better with gas milage.” This may be true, but the key word here is milage. You can’t even sit in some of those things for ten minutes, let alone a two-hour road trip. Even if you can spend that much time, you’re not getting good mpg by standing still.

Yeild

When I picked up my kids from school there were several tiny cars in the line just sitting. Yep, just sitting for hours, with the engine running, waiting for some kid, and not going anywhere. I’m so confused.

The thing is, both parties drive what they like because they like it. No other reason. Sadly, that’s when the stupidness comes out. They can’t do things because they like it. Nope, the fools need a reason. When they make up their motive, it becomes their sole purpose to convince everyone they meet, that they’re right.

Wrong Way

Frankly, I don’t care what your whys and wherefores are. So, why does everyone keep telling me? My neighbor is like this. He drives a great big truck with a cover over the bed. I’ve never asked him why he owns it, but he’s told me many times. “I need a truck because I have a large family. If anyone ever has something heavy to move, I have to be ready to help. They rely on me.”

Well, good for you. You be as ready as you want. My question is; Why have you gone through three trucks in the last ten years and never taken the cover off? Say what you want dude, but your family doesn’t agree. Maybe it’s time for a different excuse.

Look, do what whatever you want for whatever reason. Go ride a motorcycle so you can drink a liter of beer, for all I care.

Actually, that might the most legitimate reason ever.