Get Over It

I must say, this winter has lasted longer than some. Although It has not lasted as long as others. In fact, where I live the latest recorded snowfall is June 2nd 1902. In point of fact I’m glad I wasn’t alive that year. It would’ve been way too depressing.

On the other hand, there is something that I hate a lot more. Well, maybe hate is too strong a word. (Imagine the sound of the genius thinking.) No, hate is probably right emotion. But do I really want to use the word hate in this light essay? (Please hold on a sec while I check for synonyms.) Yes, I do believe hate is the correct word. Although, it’s not blinding a hate that would cause some people to perform great violent acts. It is more like a roll your eyes hate which makes you want to slap the person you’re talking to, but you never do. (Even when you should.) On second thought, maybe I will next time, but I think I’ve gotten off topic. Oh yes, I was talking about what I hate worse than long winters.

I can deal with long winters. In fact, where I live winters are a strange animal anyway. They might start early or late. They will have long cold and snowy spells then suddenly be warm for several days, only to start snowing all over again. They really are rather unpredictable. But, I hate it when people complain about it. Doesn’t anyone else notice that winters are unpredictable and are therefore different every year. But no, the people who live around me relish complaining about the weather. A subject that there is no way they can control.

I am often reminded of the Serenity Prayer. The first line reads: God give me the serenity to accept the stupid crap I can’t make go my way. Actually, that’s not a direct quote. It’s really me paraphrasing something that’s brilliantly written with something that gets the point across better. Apologies to the author. That being said, there aren’t many people who lack serenity according to that prayer. Quite simply, nobody, I repeat NO BODY accepts the weather as it is.

I swear to you, two weeks ago someone actually said to me, “What’s up with all this snow?” (This was not paraphrasing.) I replied, looking up at the sky, in my most a sarcastic tone, “I don’t know. I think they call it winter!” He was a little shocked at first but came back with explanation that winter is supposed to end on March 21. Well I don’t know about you, but I never knew a season or any other piece of nature, which knew how to read a calendar. I could be wrong, but I believe calendars were invented by people not by trees. “Old Man Winter” is a fictitious representation, not an actual person

Would you like to know where the date of March 21 came from? I’ve actually done the research. I know you’re thinking, Hey, you don’t like research. This is true. This research however wasn’t very hard. The seasons were developed by the Druids who had two important days of the year: the summer solstice and the winter solstice. By sheer accident those two days fell on 21st of June and December. So they, in their little uneducated Druid minds, (if there any Druids out there I don’t mean to insult you but when this all happened the Druids were uneducated by today’s standards. So there!) decided that 21st of June would be the first day of summer, and 21st of December would be the first day of winter. And in completely arbitrary fashion, they then decided there must be four seasons so they assigned three months to each in a twelve month year. Blah blah blah, enough of that.

You see, you newly educated people, seasons are arbitrary. No great creator of the earth came down and defined them to a specific day. In fact, when this was decided by the Druids there were something like twenty different calendars. And even they didn’t agree with the Druids. So, when you say winter ends on a specific day you’re just being an uneducated fool. Now though, you have been educated. There is no need to thank me.

Folks, winter is going to happen every year. I don’t mean to ruin your whole month, but if this comes as a surprise to you, you have a lot more problems than a few inches of snow on your driveway. Another fun fact that you’re going to hate. Winter is not decided as to when it will start and when it will end. It will start when it starts and end when it ends, so stop whining about it.

Another bothersome fact, I can’t seem to get my head around. The same people who gripe that it’s cold in February, complain that it’s hot in August. Now I’m not one of the world’s great weather observers, but I do know that it gets hot every summer and cold each winter. Unless of course you’re in Australia, (Hi to all my readers there), where it’s cold in the summer and hot in the winter. I don’t understand it, but my point is it’s consistent from year to year. Here’s another freaky thing about Australia. I am told that down under toilets flush backwards. Does that mean you sit down, do your business, hit the lever, and the water comes rushing up at you? Ewwww, gross! I would think there would be far more issues with this, than worrying about the specific day winter will end. But I digress.

All I’m saying is stop moaning about the weather when you nor anyone else can do anything about it. If you are compelled to whine, do it about something productive. Complain about the fact candy bars are getting smaller while the price increases all the time. This is a much more poignant topic, and it could yield real results. Remember, it was strong protest that finally brought blue M&Ms to us in 1995. Now that’s real positive change.

All of this emotional talk is making me a bit jumpy. I think I’ll look out the window to see if it’s warm enough for me to go for a walk. (Time passes.) Dang, it’s not! Won’t this winter ever end? Oh, sorry about that.

If you have comments, want to discuss how Ironman might go to the bathroom, or have me to take a sideways view at your favorite topic. Send me an E-Mail at ohhssidewaysview@gmail.com I’d love to hear from you!

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