Looking for a hobby

So, I’ve been looking into some new things to try to fill all my lonely hours. Well, I actually don’t have lonely hours. There are five people, four green plants, three animals, two rare orchids and a partridge-in a pear tree, living in my house. Well, not really. The partridge and pear tree used to be out back. Then one day, I roasted that partridge in pear-wood smoke years ago when I was feeling especially vindictive, but that’s another story. I wish I could have a few lonely hours, but as I am the dad and husband there is always someone bothering me, needing something. You see it seems my family is allergic to seeing me sitting, reading a book.

I figure when they see me sitting for too long, they get hives or something. I’m sure a good antihistamine would fix this, but they’ve found watching me work to be much more satisfying. I, on the other hand, have brilliant ideas, and notes on a hundred things which would make their lives better. Sadly, they believe their lives can only be enriched by my running some kind of errand. It’s really not as bad as it sounds. It’s a lot worse. The thing is I would occasionally like to do some of the things I like to do. Ohhsey wellsey!

A bit of Pre History

Anyway, I have been looking into some new projects. Weather they get done or not is a question which husbands have been pondering for ages. I’m sure cavemen would come home from hunting mammoths all scarred and bruised, ready to have a long sit on their favorite rock, when a daughter would invariably come over to him, and ask him to get out the wheel, and take her over to Og’s house. At the same time mother, wanted him to build a fire, and cook outside tonight, because she’s tired from cleaning furs all day. It’s no wonder those guys invented angry grunting.

Finally, some of those guys rebelled, saying “Ugga Baguggaga Snorg” which roughly translates to, “To heck with this” with a few expletives. They settled down to farming in the hopes of getting some free time. Nope! Now the demands were for something more than meat and vegetables. They wanted bread and pasta. Here is where it gets all confusing. Have you ever considered the fact that bread was once the pinnacle of technology? Can’t you see it? Early cave people headed to the big-box cave to pick up some mammoth burgers, fresh dirty roots, some leaves, and fermented rotten fruit, when all of a sudden they see a huge rock display, “TRY BREAD!” Of course, there was probably a young person handing out samples to entice the ladies to buy.

Also, I figure there were those slow to adopt the new stuff. I can just hear grampa saying, “What’s this bread crap? Smells Funny! I’m not touching it. Meat and roots were good enough for me, and my parents. We all turned out all right. In fact, even you grew up on meat and roots. You think this bread crap is gonna make them useless kids of yours any better? Frankly, I bet it’s a Neanderthal conspiracy, or one of them great apes trying to start us evolving again. I mean when I was your age, we went out and ran down our own caribou…” Of course, it keeps going, but you get the gist. Nevertheless, I’m getting way, way off topic.

In 3-D

Cavemen aside, I was looking for a new hobby and perusing the bookstore, when I found a book entitled, How to Make Money with Your 3-D Printer. This was cool I have a printer, and I like money. It was a match made in heaven. I bought the book for thirty dollars, went home, and read. I wasted thirty dollars. Essentially, the entire three-hundred-forty-six pages can be boiled down to five words; Make stuff, and sell it. The thing was I knew that already. What I wanted was an idea for what to make. It did suggest places to sell the stuff, but again I knew those. I did keep the book because honestly, I’m an idiot.

It was when I went out drinking with my brother that I realized what I could make; Little toys. My brother and I suddenly became superior engineers, and we designed a great little toy. The thing is, drunk men should never design anything. The next day when I saw what we came up with, I was astounded with its stupidity. Yes the printer could do it, but making it do it was going to be a chore and a half. I had to print the first piece eleven times to get it right. Now, I told you I don’t have much time in the first place. For those of you who don’t know, it takes several hours to print the piece once. In other words, it took me two months to get it right, and that’s just the piece’s design. This piece wasn’t even usable. I was going to have to print it again, when I actually made the darn thing. Plus, I still had to design the other parts.

Out Of Pocket

Then I had to go buy the plastic. Of course, our design called for multiple colors. Each of those cost twenty dollars. I needed five. Therefore, in cost I was down a hundred-thirty bucks, and in man hours, another five hundred, and I hadn’t even made one toy yet, only designed it. I was planning to sell the toy for fifteen bucks. Now, I’m no mathematician, but when you add the cost of the printer, I think perhaps I might not be making as much cash as the book promised.

Well, I did it. I designed. I measured. I printed. I had all the pieces on the table in front of me, and they didn’t fit together. You see in my stupidity, I made some pieces measured in inches, and some in centimeters. Halfway through the design process, the program realized I was in the US, and not Europe. So, it fixed itself without telling me. So nice of it. Don’t you think? I never noticed the change, and went blindly along. So now, I had to reprint half the pieces, wasting all that time, and plastic. I almost tossed my computer out the window, but I’m not angry or anything.

Out of luck

Finally, I had all the pieces. All designed, printed, and in the same format. Also, in the correct colors, by the way. I put them all in front of me on the table. I got out the glue, and wire to attach them together, and they still didn’t fit. Little plastic mistakes were all over them. I had to sand my little butt off to get them to work, but now, work they do. Success? Sort of. I had to go to Etsy.com and set up a profile. This took even more time which I don’t have.

Just out

I know why blogging is a labor of love. If I was doing it for cash, I’d never be able to afford to eat again.

And the truth

Ps. This is true. You can see the toy at MrOhhsFunStuff – Etsy