The pageantry

I think I finally figured it all out. Well, maybe not all of it, but at least one great big thing. To have figured it all out would take some omnipotent being. Even if they did, they would probably look at us crazy humans and shake their head. I mean, we’re pretty weird.

You see, I was watching a beauty pageant the other day, and it came to me. I would have figured it out many years ago, but my wife normally doesn’t let me watch such pageants. She seems to think I only watch these things because of the low-cut dresses, and bathing suits. On the other hand, I insist I watch for the intellectual stimulation of the interview portion. Okay, not really, even I can’t believe something that idiotic.

The lies

I do watch for the pretty girls. I also love to listen to fifty young girls say they all want world peace above all else. Yea right! I have four sisters, numerus cousins, and a teenage daughter. While world peace does come up now and again, it’s never the first priority. If you need more proof than my word, just look at all the teen and women’s magazines out there.

They talk exclusively about celebrities, fashion, make-up, weight loss, that men are scum and boyfriends are clueless to a woman’s needs. Never anything about world peace. Happily, the mags still do advise keeping males around because they’re cute, and it’s currently the only to make more women. Guys if they ever figure that problem out, we are in serious trouble. But I’m getting off topic.

The question

You may ask what I could learn from watching a bunch of young girls parade around, wearing gowns with plunging neck-lines. Well, it’s not just the dresses. It’s the fact that in the middle of all this there was a political commercial.

Being the brilliant person I am, I put both thoughts together and had an epiphany. These girls primp and prepare for long periods. Then when they hit the stage, they sashay their assets in front of folks who judge them. Forget the world peace crap. They want the judges’ votes.

The judges, on the other hand, only met the girls a few days before. They can’t remember all the details of everyone. They vote for the ones they like. i.e. The ones which are most popular. They all have beauty. They wouldn’t be there if they didn’t. It’s a popularity contest, pure and simple.

The politics

Now, what other group of people sashay around the country, trying to get votes from their judges? Just one clue, it’s not electricians. I don’t know anyone who votes for electricians. They just show up and charge large fees. You use them, but I’m sure you certainly never vote for them.

The group I’m thinking of is, politicians. They parade around their stage, looking good, and saying things we want to hear. They may not be talking about world peace, or wearing low cut dresses, but the contest is the same. I’m actually glad of that. I don’t think I want to see Donald Trump or Boris Johnson sporting a debutante gown. But that’s beside the point. I mean I could be surprised. They might be able to pull it off.

The mistakes

Remember what I said about pageant girls and the whole ‘World Peace’ thing? Face it it’s a lie. However, the judges believe the lie because they’re dazzled by beauty. Politicians lie too, but we all believe them. Well, at least more than half the people believe them. That’s how they get elected in the first place. The thing is we know they’re lying, and we vote anyway. It’s a messed-up system.

Take the president of the US for instance. They tell us they’re going to fund a jobs program, or perhaps children’s homes. This stuff sounds great. We love it and smile. The thing is, the president can’t fund anything. That’s not his job. Congress funds everything. So, the best he can do is suggest it to congress. But he doesn’t care about that. He cares about being popular.

He says popular things, does popular stuff, and kisses puppies, all to get the votes of the judges. He doesn’t have to be smart. He has to be good looking. This is why nothing happens in government. Think back to high school. All the smart kids were laughed at, because they thought math and history were sexy. As opposed to the popular kids who loved to hang out and dance.

The reality

Unfortunately, in our society, stupid is cool, and smart is wicked. Look at all the comedians. They always talk about stupid people, and politicians. They never mention smart, successful folks. It’s the same in the news. There’s always some stupid person getting press, while folks who do a good job will never get mentioned. There’s a lesson here. 

If the smart kids were popular, they could get into government, and do smart things. Sadly, the popular kids win, and they love to keep dancing. Especially around the issues of the day. Actually, the smart kids are usually smart enough to avoid government, getting into business and making much more money.

Think I’m wrong? Think about this; About sixty percent of all politicians are lawyers. I recently was involved in a lawsuit. Eventually, with all the fees, the lawyer got half of my settlement. Lawyers make tons of money, and I don’t begrudge them that. The problem is there are too many lawyers. Some who make money and some who don’t. The ones who can’t make piles of cash go into politics.

Politics is like welfare for lawyers. The government guarantees them an income. Just like it guarantees one for disabled people. This makes sense, because if you not able to make money as a lawyer, you’d have to be brain damaged. This is the disability, and they can run for office, instead of having to fill out tons of paperwork, and waiting years to be approved.

The solution

All this might sound very cynical. Well, there’s a good reason for this. It is cynical. I’m a cynical person. Even my blood type is B negative, and I am. However, there might be a silver lining. Think about this. There are lots of folks getting disability payments. Let’s reverse the process. We could have the lawyers fill out the paperwork, and wait. Then we could have the disabled folks run for office.

This has two positive effects; First, even the lousiest lawyers are better at all that paperwork. Also, having the disabled folks in government would provide a greater mix of specialties. It’s a Win-Win. You must remember those lawyers would have a much easier time with all the strange and seemingly unnecessary paperwork, than all those all those poor folks. If the lawyers had to fill out that stuff every day, I bet it would get a lot easier really quick.

The other alternative, would be to make Mr. Ohh! extremely popular. I fix world problems in this blog every week. I know I can be an idiot of the highest order. However, I’ll admit it’d probably be a little less foolish than the current federal government.