What I Know

Look, I’ve been an entertainer for long time. In fact, I was on the road as a stand-up comedian for a couple of years. I don’t know if I was hilarious or not. But many folks find throwing things at the stage quite enjoyable. So, either way, I was a hit. These days, I spend my time performing for children. They throw softer items, and their arm strength isn’t as good. It’s a win-win.

So, you see, I know a bit about making folks happy, and I’m an amateur. I’ve tried to get into the mainstream entertainment industry many times, and they don’t want me. I don’t know why. Maybe they’re worried about being responsible for the damage folks inflict on their innocent TV sets, while I’m performing. Who knows?

Where I’m going with all this is, I try to keep people happy when they’re looking at me, or reading what I write. Mainstream media does not. Somehow, the industry feels monotony, and disinterest are better for selling advertising. You doubt me? Then you haven’t been checking in with recent events.

Olympian mistake

We’re due for the Olympics this year. In general, they’re pretty good. The thing is, every news outlet will broadcast the three-hour opening ceremony, and not very much of the sporting events. Think about it. I love the swimming. But unless there’s an American in three different lanes, the media doesn’t show it. On the other hand, I’ve been watching basketball for the last six-months. Sadly, the Olympic powers broadcast every game. I’ve seen enough basketball. I want swimming. But no such luck. Media always goes with the tried-and-true, and dull.

In contrast, the athletes’ entrance is shown in its entirety. It’s not that I don’t have respect for the work they’ve put in. It’s that I really don’t need to see one Liechtenstein pole vaulter marching alone behind a flag-bearer. I’m sure he’s very good, but watching him walk into a stadium does nothing for me.

On the other hand, it takes twenty minutes for the American contingent to do the same march. I’m a proud American, but watching a thousand people, parade by, wearing the exact same outfits, is monotonous. Spice it up. Maybe the archers shooting arrows at them, or the shot-putters throwing stones into the crowd would make things more interesting. I’d tune in for that. The chaos would be incredible.

Well, they try

Of course, they try to make things more interesting by showing celebrities in the crowd. The reporting usually looks like this; “Hey, there’s the French president talking to the German prime minister. Also, there’s Cassper Nyovest, the African rap artist, eating what looks like popcorn. What do you say Bob?”

“It could be popcorn, but considering his background, it’s more likely, pistachios. I’ll check with Laura, back in the studio just to be sure.”

Whatever might be said, I don’t care about these people. In fact, I’m jealous of every one of them. They got tickets to the Olympics and I didn’t. Not that I would’ve gone to the opening ceremony either way. It’s tedious, even if you are eating popcorn.

It just seems to me, that with big events, the media is just looking to make the mind-numbing more exciting, and the thrilling more mundane. You doubt me? You say this is a unique, rare, situation. You laugh at my ignorance of the facts. Well, a great big “Ha!” right back at you. Your scoffing just helps to prove my point. You’re forgetting the Olympics just to laugh at me.

Against all convention

As far as this being an isolated example, again I say “Ha!” Recently, here in the United Sates, we had a huge political convention. Speeches were made. Insults were thrown. Party decisions were imparted to the masses. Great numbers of people drank, and made fools of themselves. We’re talking big news here.

Hundreds of media personalities descended like vultures to the site. And what do you suppose they decided to tell the American people? They informed us who were, and weren’t wearing flag pins. Who cares? Are they exposing some non-pin-wearing secret society, looking to take over the world? Are they so desperate for cash that selling five-dollar pins to the delegation will make or break the election?

If that’s the case, maybe they shouldn’t have paid the five-million-bucks to have convention at a lavish resort. You can rent a pavilion in a city park for almost nothing. Or perhaps, just invite less people. At two-hundred-clams a night for a room, the cost adds up. Either way, I don’t think the pin money is going to make that much of a difference. And I certainly don’t need to hear about it, at the top of every hour.

Not a dog show

Next, I heard a story about which delegates had dogs. I’m totally serious. How do those media folks think this is anything but mundane? History making pronouncements are being made, but the newspeople think we want to know that sixty percent of the folks there, own pets. In fact, it was noted, only forty-four percent of US households have canine friends. Consequently, folks in the party are more likely to have doggy buddies. Wow! To heck with critical issues facing the country. My voting mind has been made up. Then again, how many of these dogs’ wear flag pins? Now this information would be important. Not!

It boggles my mind, just how boring this stuff is. My mom always said, “If you have nothing to say, Shut Up!” Today’s media could learn from her. Instead, they’ve broken everything up into three brackets; Interesting, Entertaining, and Stupid. Frankly, interesting gets tossed out the window immediately. Entertaining gets it’s due, but only if can be said in some non-entertaining way. On the other hand, Stupid is king. A reporter will jump right to stupid every time. I don’t know why, but there it is.

Do you feel influenced?

How’s this for an example? There was also a ten-minute story about social-media influencers. It seems that this year, more of them had access to the delegates than four years ago. It was also noted that eight years past they didn’t even exist at the convention. Again, Wow! Social media is growing. Who could have guessed that? I don’t know? Maybe everyone?

In my younger years, I watched the news to be informed. As the industry changed, it became more of a distraction. Now I tune in to fall asleep. I’ll tell you, it’s better than any pill on the market. Three minutes in, and I’m snoring. Actually, the only reason I last the whole three-minutes is the fact that the correspondent is some hot chick. For all the wrong reasons, she keeps my attention for a while. Not a long while mind you, but a while.

I don’t understand why, but it appears that all media outlets want me to be well rested. Apparently, my health is the single most important world issue. They feel TV is unhealthy, so they put terrible stuff on it. Therefore, I will go outside more. Isn’t this great? They want me to sleep easy, knowing nothing happening is worth thinking about. Actually, I’d think there should be?

But not according to the media.