A proverb

They say, “A father trains his sons to move on, but he will never be rid of his daughters.” I don’t who they are, but I sincerely hope they’re wrong about that! Daughters are ok when it comes to leaving the leaving the house wearing socks with sandals. However, this could be resolved by just paying attention to the fashion police. (Which I don’t) Frankly I know of less poisonous spiders, and I can squish them. You can’t squish daughters. They say that’s a bad thing.

I don’t consider that they know very much at all. They say all kinds of stupid things like, “Bunnies are cute and cuddly vegetarians.” They never met Baby-Bun-Bun. That rabbit enjoys red meat almost as much as I do. Well, if humans are red meat that is.

A pet

She’s also plotting the destruction of the universe, starting with my family. Rabbits are vile creatures, who think only of themselves, and world domination. Daughters are kind of like that too. The problem is, no one seems to understand all this, except me. My family has fallen into the cute thing hook, line, and sinker.

Conspiracy theorists, say the moon landing was faked. Who cares, about that? What about rabbits learning mind control? I seem to be the only one who’s immune. Does this mean I have a more highly evolved mind? Or perhaps, that I’m not a normal human being? It could go either way, but frankly I like the first one better.

The real problem is, my rabbit is in league with the cat. I don’t know if it’s a strong coalition. Or, an enemy of my enemy is my friend, kinda thing. Either way they both seem to like my type. Blood type that is.

Only the dog, seems to have any respect at all. I take her for a walk once in a while, and she’s my friend for a month. Then again, she could be serving the cat-rabbit alliance as a spy. Admittedly,  I talk to Wonder-Dog more than the others. If she’s telling them what I say, I can understand why they’re so angry. But all this is beside the point.

A plan

Just as cats, rabbits, and dogs make friends, so do daughters. A daughter may be hazardous to your health. But like uranium it can be handled safely. As long as you’re careful, and remember the rules. Daughters with friends, are like ramming plutonium into that very same uranium ball. They explode violently. No one is immune to the havoc they reek, and the devastation lasts for years.

Recently, I had a prime example of this. My daughter asked me to drive her to a friend’s place of employment so they could go to dinner and hang out. Now, where I live, there are eateries on every corner. Some corners have two! But did those two girls want to go to any of those restaurants? Of course not. They’d heard about a really fun place about an hour away. They needed to go there.

I’m an easy-going guy. I gave them a simple easy-going answer, “No!” Sadly, my wife intervened. Wives always side with the children. Another thing They say is, men rule the world. Not from where I stand. Around here it’s more like; Women allow me to exist as long as I stay useful. Believe me I do. I don’t want to know what will happen if I stop.

A problem

So, there I was driving my daughter, and friend, to an undisclosed location. Now I knew how to get to the city it was in. Cities are usually large enough to be easy to find. However I must say, it does get much more difficult with stereo giggling coming from the back. Give me boys anytime. You can drive a whole busload of boys across three countries and the only you’ll hear is an occasional irrational fact. Which will, likely as not, go unanswered.

I suppose you could say what happened next was my fault. I disagree. It’s certainly not my fault the GPS broke. I don’t know what the trouble was. For some reason the satellites knew exactly where the nearest coffee house was, but not me. Incidentally, the nearest coffee house was on the corner. There’s one on every corner.

A place

Anyway, I tried everything I could, to lock on to my destination. I failed miserably. I had to ask my daughter and friend to stop laughing and have them try. I was informed that I had to turn left, five-hundred feet behind where I was. I don’t know what they expected, but I not up for slipping my car into reverse, in the middle of a four-lane highway. I’m sure all the other drivers would’ve understood. Not! From there things only got worse.

After I managed to exit, I came to a tee in the road. I asked again, “Which way should I turn?” The ladies stopped laughing hysterically for a moment to tell me they had no idea. After my first turn, which I missed, they apparently thought I was done with directions. They closed the app. I was at the end of the road, with about a million honking cars behind me, with absolutely no idea where to go. Thinking quickly, I took the harder course. Why? Because life’s teachings say it’s never the easy way.

A prayer

Not this time! The moment I committed, and had no recourse, they told me it was the other way. I thought I could just turn around someplace. But No! This way led me into a labyrinth of One-Way streets. Turning around was impossible. Through the power of prayer, I did manage to get back on the correct course.

This time I was smart enough to insist they keep their phones on. I found the road the restaurant was on, and they steered me the correct way. Sadly, from my starting point, the road was closed. Not just under construction, Closed until further notice. The thing is the girls’ phones didn’t know this. If AI Is so freaking good for the world, how come it doesn’t know when they close a road for six months? That’s what I want to know. Okay, maybe that was a little bit nasty.

A post

I tried following the posted detour, but it led me to another road which was being detoured. I kid you not. What had these girls gotten me into? By the time I got back to the first detour, I was past the restaurant by two miles. I turned back toward it, and hoped.

Eventually. I saw the place. My journey was not to be in vain. It was on the right, in a little plaza. Unfortunately, I had already passed the parking-lot entrance. No problem, I thought. After my ordeal, the fates could not test me further. Au Contraire!

There was no other entrance. I turned right, and the road dipped into another highway, without an exit for another half-mile. I was ready to renounce religion and become a druid. Suffice to say I was able to turn around and make it back to the place. The girls were still laughing. Then they commented that the trip wasn’t so bad.

AHHHHHHHH!

Pooped