The democratic process

Oh joy, election season is upon us. In these United States, this is actually a very easy statement to make, because in the US it’s always election season. The moment, and I mean the very second, a winning candidate is announced, somebody announces they’re running for that office next time.

And just when is the next time? Good question, and there’s no straight answer. Sometimes it’s between two and four years, maybe eight. Who freaking knows? Then again, if it’s an issue being voted on, there’s no telling.

Ohh Deer

Where I live there once was an initiative to regulate deer populations. I’m not sure just who was going to be responsible for educating the deer on the use of contraceptives. Or, for that matter, where the money for veterinary free-clinics was coming from. But there you are.

Either way, we proudly voted against it. It was clearly and democratically decided, that every household in America has the constitutional right to have their expensive flowers destroyed by wild animals. Apparently, we have a strong forest lobby. Although, I can’t see how those rather large animals, who make no sound at all, were able to filibuster our local congress. This however, is beside the point.

The thing is, the very day after this was all decided, there were petitions floating around to put deer controls back on the ballot. It took six months to get the signatures they needed and we consequently voted again. Only to decline it again. Immediately there were more petitions. This time it took years to get it back up to the voters.

I realize it’s way too late to make this long story short. However, let’s just say this issue was in front of us for eleven years, and eight elections. I think we all just approved it, because we were sick of hearing about whether deer had the right to make more deer or not.

This is not a mistake

The bottom line is this election cycle took nearly forever. Even still, right after we decided it, those against started working on appealing this decision. This is wrong! In Great Britain, an election campaign lasts six weeks. I realize I didn’t need tell this to my British friends. But my American friends need to hear it. American politicians need to hear it even more!

Our current presidential campaign has been going on for almost two years. In one election, a while back, a candidate actually died before election day. What’s even better is, the momentum was so great, folks put a dead guy in office. Frankly, he didn’t do very well there. I mean he never spoke up, or argued the issues to any degree. Also, his opponents were able to find a whole bunch of dirt on him. They really should’ve done a better job of cleaning his suit when they dug him up. That’s my opinion, anyway.

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign

I think the worst thing about these long election cycles are the yard signs. I don’t mind someone supporting their candidate. Or even when they tell the world of their support. It’s just that, way too many folks get way too excited. Yes, you have the right to put a sign in your yard, but three-hundred-forty-six of them is a little excessive.

Okay, I get it, you like the White Bunny party. But do you need an individual sign in your yard for every one of their candidates? That’s a lot of signs. And they’re all unreadable. Especially if you’re cruising past at thirty-five mph. That’s fifty-six-point-three-two-seven-ohh-four kph to the rest of the world.

Face it, on most lawns, those signs are packed so close together, you can’t read any of them, at any speed. Ask any marketing guru, one sign saying, “I vote Purple Flamingos” would be much more impactful. It wouldn’t make much sense, but it would leave an impression. That’s all I’m saying.

I saw the sign

Then there’s the other yards with fifty signs for the same candidate. What are they trying to say here? Maybe it’s an official statement they’re planning to stuff the ballot-box. If this was my agenda, I don’t think I’d announce it. It’s illegal! Officials watch that kind of thing pretty closely. If they notice an error they’re coming straight to your house, whether you did anything or not. I’m not saying don’t do it. But if you plan to, keep it on the down-low.

Then there’s yards with huge signs. Like the size of their sign is going to sway me. “Wow, Martha, that guy has a sign bigger than our car. The candidate must be great.”

“Well, Bob, it’s either that or someone’s trying to make up for their small… Um… Personality!”

The real problem with those signs is they’re freaking distracting. You drive past and your eyes go straight to it, and off the road. Next thing you know is you’re in the back of a stopped ice-cream truck. Sure, the kid driving might believe you just wanted a frozen treat? But I doubt it.

Openly Polish

Another annoying thing are the constant polls. People have admitted openly that there are far more news programs than there is actual news. This goes without saying. In response to this problem the networks go out and ask people who they like. What’s that all about? It doesn’t matter if some idiot is two points above another. They’re still both idiots.

Remember, as in all research projects, it depends on who’s paying the bill. It amazes me that no one seems to realize that the conservative candidate is always on top of the conservative news network’s poll, and vice-versa. No kidding! It doesn’t take a genius of Mr. Ohh!’s caliber to figure that one out.

Then again, the pollsters always tell us, “The margin of error is plus-or-minus ten points.” Consequently, when one or the other person is two points up, it doesn’t matter. They might as well be telling us that dirt is brown. It may or may not be true, but it certainly isn’t newsworthy.

I’ll ask my wife

Since there are so many of those silly polls, the pollsters have to ask the same questions over and over again. And how do they do that? They send Spam emails. Most folks don’t answer spam. This means, the five or so silly folks who do, are answering a single question about a million times. How is this an accurate cross section of the country? I ask you?

The real issue with these polls is the second question. First, they ask who you’re voting for. Then, if you can donate money. And they don’t just ask. They complain, “If my candidate loses, total Armageddon will ensue.” So, you must donate your annual salary to them. How does this work? I get that if I vote for them, it’ll help them win. But how will putting my money in your pocket help? Probably, because another ambiguous poll says it will.

I’ve been hearing about these election polls for over two years. I care less now than I did then. And that was not at all. At this point I’m thinking of taking a poll to see if Americans want to stop all polls.

I bet I can guess how that one will go!