How many actors can you name? The bigger question is: Of all those actors how many have had TV shows and movies? The biggest question is: Did any of you think to mention Mr. Ohh!? Yes, I am a professional actor. Don’t start looking for to buy my hair on eBay or searching my trash for used tissues or anything. I’m not an A-list actor. On the other hand, a fan club with women throwing their bodies at me would be kinda nice.
You see I can name lots of professional actors you’ve never heard of, because the only requirement to being a pro is getting paid for acting. Even if it’s a dollar. Frankly, even if it’s a stick of butter, or a cookie for being in a commercial. The thing is, for most people once they’ve stood in front of a camera, and eaten a cookie, they are bitten by bug a more dangerous than the malaria Tsetse Fly. It’s called preforming, and the symptoms are: standing in front of mirrors doing bad impersonations of John Wayne or Kermit the Frog, and suddenly thinking you’re Chris Evens or Scarlet Johansson.
Photographers love these people. After they’ve made ten bucks smiling for a camera they turn around and spend two-fifty on headshots. Not the best value to be sure. Then, armed with these photographs and hope, they go on auditions. Not private auditions mind you, the ones where you stand in line for five hours, say three words, beg for ten minutes, and leave.
I’ve seen the lines. They usually come out of the double doors, around the building, down the street, and into the lake. Those at the end of the line ether have to use scuba gear or drown. Drowning cuts down on the number of actors auditioning, but frankly I’m not sure all those photographs in the lake is good for the ecology.
So, what have we learned? A large amount of people make a buck acting, and then spend the rest of their lives standing in line. The sad thing is I have stood in those lines, so I know what they go through. My point is: Lines Suck!
My dad tells me of a time before the internet when he would stand in line all night to get premium concert tickets. What? Sure, I know the concert was cool and all but waiting in line twelve hours in the cold and sometimes rain, with a hundred others knowing you may not get the tickets at all. I never thought I’d say this but dad was nuts. At least sitting in front of the computer is warm, and you can have a drink and a snack nearby.
Then there’s the ultimate line. Standing for three hours, for the privilege of riding a three-minute rollercoaster. Sure, most of us have done it. But after you think about it for a second you have to wonder if it’s really, how shall I put this, sane?
There are loads of other insane lines we wait in. I mean every day at eight-thirty in coffee houses around the world there’s a substantial line of people waiting for overpriced coffee. I don’t get it. People can make all kinds of café drinks at home if they buy the right machine, but they don’t do that. No, they wait in long, lines so they can pay ten times as much and be late for work. I’m not going to ask if this makes sense to you. Why? Because, right now some of you are probably standing in line for coffee reading this post, and trying to come up with a good reason why.
These things I don’t understand. And they get worse. The other day I went to the store. There a long line outside. I asked someone, “Why?” I was informed that because of Covid-19 only a hundred folks were allowed in at a time. So, we waited outside, in masks, six-feet-apart, for two people to leave so that two could go in, and so on until it was our turn. This was dumb but at least they had Safety, as their reason. What if the more accurate reason is, that people are just fools?
Then I saw the craziest line of them all. It was ten minutes of eight and there was this incredibly long line outside a store I didn’t recognize. Being an investigator, I checked it out. Actually, I was just being nosey but saying investigator sounds more official. There were one-hundred-seventy-eight people in this line. I thought they were giving something away. So, I asked. I was told the line was for Half-Price Day. Half price, now that might be worth standing in line for. I went to the back of the line wondering; Was this for electronics, or appliances, or shoes, or Chinese spices, or bazookas, howitzers and other home protection devices, or perhaps even the first toilet paper after the shortage. The possibilities were endless.
I was disappointed when I found out it was for second-hand junk. These folks were standing in line to buy used clothing, dishware, and figurines. The thing is, the line was getting longer and the store wasn’t going to open for over and hour. Were these shirts weaved in gold or something? What was I missing? At first, I was feeling bad. These folks might be poor and not able to afford new clothes. Then I looked into the parking lot. It was full of brand new and large SUV’s, Mercedes’s, Audi’s, BMW’s and the like. I swear I even saw a Land Rover or two. I don’t know everything but folks who can afford these cars don’t shop at thrift stores. Unless they spent too much on their cars, and have no money left. Hmmm. Nope It still doesn’t work. Maybe one person might do that, but not this many. I asked a few of them what they were here for.
I was informed that underprivileged people don’t shop second-hand, business people do. Each of these many folks had a business of selling clothing and stuff. They were standing in line to get the best bargains so they could resell it and make a profit. This wasn’t second-hand it was supply chain. I was confused and was told to go to a bunch of videos and learn how.
It’s a whole counter culture out there. My parents told me about the counter culture that fought the government, and I had been proud. Now it’s all shifted. Folks don’t hide in the shadows and fight injustice; they hide from tax lawyers and form underground businesses. Some of them make a Hundred-Grand a year.
You may not know this but superheroes were created to make kids feel good in times of stress. They changed with the times to be more politically correct and inclusive. I can just see the next generation of heroes.
They arrive in the nick of time, vanquish the bad-guy, then pull victim aside, show their phone, and bring up their eBay page saying, “I don’t make a lot from hero-ing, and costumes are expensive. Please help by buying a T-Shirt.
Where will It all end??
Thank you for laughing and Please read a little longer
Thank you all for laughing with me, but I need to be serious. Alpha-1 Antitrypsin Deficiency is a genetic disease which rots the liver and lungs. There is no cure. The only help for people is to have a weekly infusion of proteins to stop the spread. For the next few months I will be taking all my proceeds and donating them to the Alpha-1 Foundation who are searching for a cure to this horrible malady. You can give here or for more information go to Alpha-1.org Thanks for supporting world laughter, and finding a cure. Laugh On