Goals are important. I personally have goals to eat a piano and win a Chili Cookoff in Texas. Well not at the same time. Currently there is no access to a piano. I did live in Texas for a while but frankly, never ate the chili. But as I read in one of those Self-Help books; The goals themselves are not important, having them is important. There is that bit about goals being achievable. I’m extremely confused by this. If having goals is so important why would you ever want to achieve them. Then you have no more goals. You just end up spending more time setting more goals. Then you achieve them. Eventually it becomes a vicious spiral of goal setting and achieving which ends up wasting a lot of valuable time you could be staring off into space, or napping. I’ve read these things are important too.
This is undoubtably why my life was so hard. I read to many things which, on the surface, were supposed to help me. The thing is, so many of them were contradictory. One day I’m not allowed to eat carbs, and the next day it’s no fat. After reading all those books I’ve concluded the best diet is to seal yourself up in a box and eat nothing. Very soon the weight will just fall off. Along with your hair and fingernails. However, you just end up straight back in the whole goal setting cycle. It’s very frustrating that everyone wants to help me, but so much of that help is contrary.
It is for these and so many other reasons that I have decided, I am perfect. It was never a goal to be perfect, so you can’t say I’ve achieved anything. I will say that since I’ve achieved perfection my life has become quite simple. I know I’m perfect. Consequently, everything I’m doing is exactly the perfect thing. How do I know I’m perfect? Well there is currently a team of college students doing a sociology paper on me. Why would they do such a thing if I wasn’t perfect? You may call this circular reasoning. I prefer the term; No Lose Ends.
I’m sure you’re all right now asking, “How did this all happen?” If you’re not asking, I don’t care. I’m telling you anyway. Remember I’m the one who’s perfect. It all comes down to my son’s girlfriend, Alexandria.
She is just starting college and has a sociology project. The students are supposed to read the writings and letters of less famous people and use them to discern the true personality of that person. Well due to library closures, video classes, and other Covid related stuff, the professor asked the students how best to get this done. Alexandria made the suggestion: The students read blogs, and then send the blogger a questioner to determine if what they write is the same as what they are in life. The prof ate it up, wrote in a few ground rules, and assigned everyone to find a blog to study. A few teams couldn’t find a suitable blog, so my beloved son’s girlfriend recommended mine. I’m happy to say, I am suitable.
I must admit I was a little shocked to get the introduction letter from Shakkah, Keith, and Dian, but it seems there are rules needed to be followed on my side as well. For instance, I am no longer allowed to write about myself. As if there weren’t enough idiots in the world to write about. Okay so I won’t write about myself. Secondly, I am supposed to express opinions to gain sympathy for my topic, that may not be exactly how I feel. The students are required to deduce how I really feel. Boy, I’ll be glad to find out how I feel about so many issues. It will make this whole world so much less confusing.
Next, I received an email from the professor with a few more rules and a paper to electronically sign that says I will only lie when I’m supposed to. Well I’ve just been given permission to lie. I showed the letter to my wife. Sadly, she insisted she wasn’t part of the deal and I still couldn’t lie to her. What’s the use of having a paper like this if you can’t take it to extremes? Then she reminded me of my perfection, and I had to let it go. It’s terrible when she throws stuff like that back at me at the most inconvenient of times.
The last rule is either the easiest or hardest to follow. I must be consistent. I’m not sure I’ve ever been consistent. I actually looked back into my history and found myself rather inconsistent. But I am quite consistently, inconsistent. Therefore, my inconsistency must remain as consistently inconsistent as it always was. I’m actually not even sure why they told me all this. The students aren’t allowed to use this post at all. They have to stick to stuff written before August of 2020, so I am not influenced by the project. As a result, if any of you want to ignore this last paragraph, you have my consistent permission.
The best part about all of this is that the professor has created a list of questions that must first be answered by the students, and then by me. They have to justify their conclusions with supporting statements, and I don’t. I can say whatever the Hell I want. Shakkah, Keith and Dian have no idea of what power I have over their grades. Personally, I think I should send them a letter back and ask for a little cash on the side. Sadly, that breaks the rules. I am to have no contact with them at all. Like all college professors, that one is no fun at all.
So, I am involved with this project, but don’t ask for the results soon. This is one of those full-term projects. As in, they’re assigned the work before they know how to do it. Hopefully the instructor is going to teach them the skills they need to fulfill the requirements, before the thing is due, but I’m not hopeful. More likely the blogs will be selected and then placed in a notebook to collect dust, be removed at the last second, completed the night before it’s due, and handed in with mystery stains on it.
I will say this, aside from having selected me as their blogger, Shakkah and Keith are lucky to have Dian on their team. No, I don’t know anything about her, except I think she’s a girl. Names can be confusing at times. Either way the fact that there is a woman on the team will ensure some of the work gets done. Heck, if she’s anything like my wife all of it will. If she’s anything like my daughter, the boys won’t ever be able to forget the project exists.
As a courtesy I sent this post to the prof and asked if it was okay to post it. He agreed in moments. I’m a little scared about that.
Thank you for laughing and Please read a little longer
Thank you all for laughing with me, but I need to be serious. Alpha-1 Antitrypsin Deficiency is a genetic disease which rots the liver and lungs. There is no cure. The only help for people is to have a weekly infusion of proteins to stop the spread. For the next few months I will be taking all my proceeds and donating them to the Alpha-1 Foundation who are searching for a cure to this horrible malady. You can give here or for more information go to Alpha-1.org Thanks for supporting world laughter, and finding a cure. Laugh On