A sincere wish, and I hope I do it right

I would like to wish everyone around the globe a very Happy and Prosperous New Year. That was the easy part. The hard part is asking if those folks are having a great summer, or a fun winter, whether it’s raining or snowing or even if the sun came out in the last six months. That’s the thing. We are told the safest thing to talk about, to new global friends, is the weather, but when you are fabulous and have a world-wide audience like Mr. Ohh! even this little thing becomes a problem.

Did you know that today in Sidney, Australia it was 21 degrees C. That’s about 72 in American. This is a nice day. A good day to get out there and start something new. In London, UK, my computer says it’s 8 European degrees and 46 American ones. I might start something fresh on a day like that, but more likely I’d sleep in. Then again, on the same day, it’s minus 20 Europe degrees in Fairbanks, Alaska USA. That’s damn cold in American degrees, and I’m not going anywhere or starting anything on a day like that.

On a side note

I wonder if I’m even allowed to say world degrees for an American city? I bet there’s a law against it. Americans are like that. They like things their way, and nobody can tell them anything. I mean all over the world, folks play FOOTball with their feet, except in America. When they refer to football it’s a game in which absolutely nobody uses their feet at all. Doesn’t really make much sense, does it? Americans call the game that uses the feet Sock Her, or hit her or something. Frankly, I find this very abusive to women, but then I watched some guys playing it. They don’t sock any women at all. In fact, the guys I saw playing it wouldn’t even let girls play, to prevent them from getting socked. Perhaps, long ago the game originated by putting socks on women, but this part of the game is now lost to time. Who knows, but I am getting off track I know that.

Weather or not

I also know as I get back to the point, it’s still almost the first day of the year, no matter where you are in the world. This confuses the snot out of me. In the north we start the year cold and wintry. In the south they start the year hot and humid. Around the equator the year starts on a day which is exactly like every other day. I hate those folks, but I’ll let it go, because I have to move on. Whoever started this whole year thing really messed it up. Why did they have to make this thing polar opposites? If we had started in say March as opposed to January, the north would have moderate temperatures as they entered spring, and the south would have moderate temps as they entered fall. Everyone would be the same. Well, except for those people in the Caribbean, who would still have better weather than everybody else. Can you start to see why I hate them? But I’m still not going into it.

Moderate temps would be a much better way to enter a year for all those resolutions as well. Say you promise to go to the gym. If it’s freezing outside, you won’t go, because you don’t want to leave the house and the resolution is trashed. Also, if it’s steamy outside, who’s going to want head to an air-conditioned gym so they can sweat? It just doesn’t make sense. However, if it’s moderate out, you’re gonna want to go out and make those resolutions happen, or eat donuts, or be lazy, or whatever. Frankly it’s also better weather to break resolutions in, but this is entirely beside the point, and I’m only confusing the issue with facts. So, let’s get back to the meat of the issue.

How many “news” are in one year?

   Frankly, I think January first is just an arbitrary day, and has no bearing on the present. Perhaps the ancient Romans, had a reason for messing up everybody’s party by having the New Year’s celebration when it was freezing outside. It’s possible they went along beating up their neighbors all summer and then when it was freezing outside, they all came home to their frozen lawns and icy looks on their wives faces. They were probably looking for a reason to throw a party, to ease some of the chill from their marriage beds. Maybe some historian knows, but I don’t. Then again it could have been the Mayans. They left behind a pretty amazing calendar, but then all disappeared. So, again, I can’t ask any of them.

Here’s a fun fact; January is named for Janus the two-faced god of change and new beginnings. That’s cool, but long before that, the Hebrews started the year right around April with the month, Nisan. Whether or not, this was named after the Japanese car company I have no idea, but I do know my Jewish friend drives a Buick, but he’s not Orthodox so this proves nothing. Next, we have the Chinese year which starts at the end of January which is called Yiyue. Mayans start their year on August thirteenth and so on. What I’m saying is the beginning of the year seems to be totally arbitrary.

I bet if you studied hard enough you could have a New Year’s party for about half the days of the year. The other half you’d probably spend recovering from the merrymaking. Another cool note is law enforcement seems to be a little bit easier on the new year than at other times. Therefore if you get busted on say August twelfth for intoxication, just say you’re Mayan, and celebrating New Year’s Eve. The officer will be lenient. Of course, if the arresting officer doesn’t believe you’re Mayan because of your looks or where you live, it’s not my fault. I give you full permission to tell them Mr. Ohh! said you were completely innocent. But again, I have no idea what they’ll believe.

Does anybody really know what day it is?

Then again, we live in a world society. You could have a mother who is Mayan and Chinese, as well as a father who is an Italian Jew from Rome. Does this mean your family has to follow four calendars? That’s a lot of drinking for just one year. Oops, I meant celebrations. Also, if you follow four calendars, that means every day you’re living in four different months. Since months are based on cycles of the moon, does this mean you see four moons every night? And I don’t mean you’re pointing your telescope at some dorm room someplace. Then again, the Chinese calendar has thirteen months. So, will you ever know what day it is?

It’s totally confusing. I think everyone should just settle on one calendar, and the year should start on Mr. Ohh!’s birthday, October Ninth. This way the whole world would start on a day dedicated to laughter. Perhaps that way we’d all carry a smile throughout the entire year.

Besides, maybe then my kids wouldn’t forget my birthday!