Where shall I begin?

Where I live, we just had a local election. Would like to know what I love about elections? When they’re over! The thing is, around here, they’re never over. They start about a year before you can vote, with folks at the market waving petitions in your face. Then a cute busty lady from the local news channel creates a special report telling us to be on the lookout for folks waving petitions in your face. That’s really unnecessary. I knew it beforehand. Then again, I guess busty women have to earn paychecks too. Even if they are behind the times.

Of course, once the media gets a hold of something it’s like being grabbed by a lobster and hurts twice as bad. They have to interview everyone involved, and make sure it’s the worst possible case. I remember one petition, last year, where folks wanted to change the law and allow all high school graduates to be able to get a driver’s license. Now the driving age is sixteen and most folks graduate at seventeen, so I wondered, “Why is this an issue?” Apparently, there’s a twelve-year-old genius in my community, and parents wanted her to be able to drive herself to college. I didn’t sign because I had two questions; First, why should they change state law for one person? Also, does the kids feet even touch the pedals? If you answered “NO” to any of these questions, then maybe it’s a bad idea. Ya Think!

Every things bigger in the media

The local media didn’t agree with me. They had the mother on TV. She was crying big tears, saying she would have to pay the housekeeper extra to make dinner if her husband had to run their daughter back and forth to college. Which, by the way, was fully paid for in scholarships. Those poor people! I mean, maybe we should set up a charity so they can hire a chauffeur, while we eat beans from the can. I think not. I don’t even have a housekeeper that I could pay extra. But I digress.

Anyway, about the time your stomach is getting queasy from all the news coverage, the politicians got involved. Especially the ones who are up for reelection soon. They hide in the grass like a mongoose and cobra waiting for the first to move. When the first did the second would strike back hard. In this case it was Councilman Stancato. He said this was a foolish issue which would only cost hundreds-of-thousands-of-dollars to put on the books and would apply to no one. That started it.

Never let politicians get involved in politics

The flood gates opened. Mayor Peters came out with research papers stating, there were seven such students in our state, and since IQ’s are on the rise, there would be more in the future. Stancato defended his position by stating that seven in a population of twelve-million is a negligible percentage so he’s still right. Peters countered with the human factor in an interview where he almost cried stating, “Those poor intelligent children. We can’t leave them behind!”

It became a city-wide debate where everyone had an opinion. Therefore, the congressmen had to get involved. With their involvement, the issue went statewide and it got all the two-hundred-fifty-thousand signatures it needed to be put on the ballot. Once on the ballot things went crazy. The United States in only a two-party system. So, both the democrats and republicans felt they had to make this an issue of party loyalty. They put money behind it; Lots of money.

More money = More Media Coverage

A full six months before the election, the radio and TV ads started. They started simple. Mostly like what Stancato and Peters were spouting. Of course, with so much at stake, the parties couldn’t stop there. They escalated the drama surrounding the issue. The thing is, when one group kicked it up a notch, the other kicked it up two. By election day the ads stated, if you voted one way; You were sentencing millions of people, especially children, to death on our state’s highways. If you went the other way, you obviously worshiped Satan and likely ate human flesh.

Also, there were the telephone and mail solicitations. Those came mostly in the form of; “We know you’re loyal to our party. We certainly can’t let them win. That would mean the end of the world as we know it. Don’t think for yourself. Vote our way. Because We Said So!!” I even got recorded messages from both of my senators and media celebrities. I have no idea which side they were on, because I hung up on them.

Even when the day comes the problems don’t stop

Finally, election day came. I rejoiced. This stupid issue, whose petition I didn’t sign because it was stupid, was finally going to be over. If you don’t believe me about not signing, read the beginning again. Before I progress, I have to tell you something about myself. I entertain children, and sometimes I have to do weird things for that job. It’s okay. I get paid well for being strange in this way.

Anyway, I went to the polling place, ready to cast my ballot on this controversial issue and a few others. I stood in line. Suddenly I heard a very distinct, “TUH” At first, I wasn’t sure, but a moment later I heard another one followed by, “Um um um” I turned around, to see the lady behind me looking thoroughly disgusted with me. As I am not the type of person to let this kind of thing go, I asked, “Excuse me, is there something you need?”

She replied in a huffy voice, “Your hair and fingernails are green!”

Now I’m not one to let idiocy go unnoticed. So, I looked at my hands, “Oh my. Thank you for pointing that out. I hadn’t noticed.”  I started to laugh, although I really didn’t want to.

She angrily responded, “There are important issues to be decided here. At your age, I would think you would give them a little respect.”

My answer was concise and truthful, “Believe me madam, I’m giving this issue all the respect it deserves.”

Anyway, I cast mt ballot, and went home. Sadly, I spent the rest of the day as if I was secluded in a cloister. As it is with all election days, all radio, TV, internet, social media, and smoke signals showed nothing but election results, and I didn’t care. I’d find out the next day and that would be the end of it. But it wasn’t

Yes, the results were in, but somehow this foolish issue, was a close call, failing by only one-percent. For days the losing party called for a recount, and made sure the public knew it. After the recount, which indecently showed they lost by a larger margin, they screamed for a month about vote tampering. Then for some unexplainable reason they started the process all over again. Luckily it didn’t go this time.

A man on a mission

The thing is, it has given me a mission. I am looking for an even stupider issue. A law which won’t affect more than one person, maybe even nobody. Wouldn’t it be great if that got passed? If you have any ideas, please tell me.