Communication Is Key, As Long As You Don’t Actually Have To Talk To People!!

A scary scenerio

Imagine you’re in a dark house and all alone. You’ve just watched a scary movie, so there’s a feeling of suspense in the air. Suddenly, from somewhere in the house you hear a ringing sound. You search a moment and you don’t have any phone. In fact, you’re not carrying any electronic devices at all. AHHHH! The ringing continues over and over again. For some reason you feel compelled to find this mysterious bell. The voices in your head scream, “What? Are you nuts?” But you forge ahead anyway, ignoring common sense. Your searching takes you to the kitchen where you find a strange black device hanging on the wall. It is undoubtedly the source of the sound, but the handle is strange and something you’ve only in photographs. It has no display. It shows no text messages. Why it’s ringing, or who might be calling, you have no idea. However, this device compels you to respond. Somehow, you know what to do. You lift the odd handle and place it to your ear. You hear the voice of Aunt Gretchen asking if your mother is there. What do you do? You know it’s your aunt, but the thought of actually speaking into this device is horribly alien to you. Just then, you awaken screaming and in a cold sweat at this horrible nightmare.

If you want to hear me read this Press Play If not read on, BUT if you do you’ll miss a great scary reading complete with special effects!

Followed by something even wierder

Wow! That was something. However, my older audience will tell me, they’ve done this for most of their lives. We called it answering the telephone. My younger fans would be terribly scared. You don’t talk on the phone. It’s not proper etiquette to voice call at all. If a voice call is absolutely necessary, you text first to see if that person is available. Only then can you call. It boggles my mind sometimes. What if it’s an emergency? Do you really want to tell someone their armadillo died in a text? I mean, you could text, ‘Hey Bob can I call you?’ The answer might come back, ‘Not right now. Sup’. Now what do you do? Do you agree to call later, or just blurt out their best friend and cherished pet died in a tragic bulldozer accident? It’s a tough call. What if their house is burning? I mean I would personally hate to get the text, ‘House on fire!!! What should I save first ☹’. I may be old fashioned but I think that deserves a call. Don’t you?

This may sound fanciful but it really happens. My college aged son has a serious issue with this. He doesn’t always know his schedule so he texts me when he’s going to be late. I however am not tethered to my phone like it’s some kind of electronic master. I rarely got his texts, and when he arrived home late, I was angry. I told him to call me, I would answer, and all would be well. I was informed, in no uncertain terms, that it is improper and impolite to call. My retort was concise, simple, and rather loud, “Not when someone asks you to do it!” In the end he grunted, which I took to be a reluctant agreement. I was incorrect. What it meant was, he would text his mother instead. Sadly, his mother goes to bed early and didn’t receive those texts either. At this impasse he finally agreed to call, but I noticed he suddenly knew his schedule much better and started arriving on time much more often. One way or the other the problem is solved, even without words.

And not just my wierd family

Yes, I am making fun of my children, but only because they are very close to my heart. The world at large is worse than they are, by far. Try calling your bank sometime. The first thing you hear after a computer answers the phone and welcomes you is, “You can get better service by hanging up the phone and going to our website.” In other words, “We love you as our customer but we never ever, ever, EVER want to speak to you again!” If you are stalwart, and extremely hopeful, you can stay on the line, type in your account number, the last four digits of your ssn, answer a few security questions, and sacrifice a goat, only then you will be given your account balance. It takes even more to actually speak to a representative. This process takes about half an hour. So be sure you have time before you start.

Also remember, my bank likes me. I recently wanted to upgrade my wife’s cell phone, because her business is growing and the old one was, well old. You’d think they’d be quicker because I was trying to buy an expensive item. NOPE! It took fifteen minutes of answering security questions before I was told they were experiencing heavy call volumes, and was put on hold. I always wonder when I hear that. If most folks go to the website as suggested, and several more are discouraged by the time it takes to speak to someone and disconnect, and a few folks die during the wait time, those left can’t be all that many. So, if say thirty lucky souls make it through an hour, and the reps are told to cut call times at all costs, I figure there are only three people working in that center. Those pictures of large rooms filled with people in cubicles is a big fat honking lie.

The strangeness is all over the place

The thing is in my case I had to call three times. First, I called and spoke to Claire. We set up the deal and went through all the details in an hour. I asked if there would be any cost, and she responded, “No” four times so I kept going. At the end of it all she informed me that there was no cost, but I had to pay thirty-five bucks in taxes. Now, I had told her I couldn’t pay anything that day because there was nothing on my debit card, and I reminded her she said there was no cost. She agreed there was no cost, only taxes. Well, I got a transaction number and told her I would call back.

I figured the second call would be short since I had my transaction number. This time I spoke to Anna, by the way she sounded exactly like Claire adding reinforcement to my three-person theory. After the obligatory fifteen-minute wait to speak to someone, I gave her the number and she confirmed everything all over again for another half hour. I tried to tell her that all I wanted to do was pay my money and hang up, but no. After all the confirmations we went over all the new capabilities and so on, and on and on. I could feel myself getting older.

When I got the phone, I had to call and activate it and we did it all over again. This time Marie, sounded just like Anna, and Claire. Maybe I’m wrong and there’s only one person in that room.

And I don’t know what to do about it

I admit I would still rather talk to people, but I’m starting to agree with my son. That phone is getting scarier and scarier.

How about a cup?

Hey everyone, before you go I just need one more minute of your time. Do you like my stuff? If you do, we should get together for coffee. That’s probably not possible so why not buy me a cup of coffee to show how you feel. It’s real easy just click below. Thanks a bunch for reading and listening



11 thoughts on “Communication Is Key, As Long As You Don’t Actually Have To Talk To People!!

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