If There’s A World Wide Web… I’d Hate To Meet That Spider!!

Mr Ohh! vs. technology

When it comes to technology there are several kinds of people. There are the early-adopters, those folks who have to have the newest thing the day it comes out, and know how to operate it, even before it’s been programed. I’m not one of those. Next, there are the ones who wait and make an informed decision about their electronics. I’m not like that either. When it comes to new things, I’m more like the kid who has to be dragged, kicking and screaming, to the table. Then when I get there, I’m very likely to throw a fit and hold my breath till I turn blue because I don’t want to try the peas. Yea that’s about right.

If you want to hear me read this Press Play If not read on

The thing is I’m also the one who will wonder how I survived without the very same stuff once I try it. These habits drive my children crazy.  Recently my son found out that my new car can stream from my phone, via blue tooth. I didn’t know my phone had teeth, or even a mouth for that matter. All this time I thought it was using a speaker and, not actually saying everything. Boy, it sure does a great impression of my wife. It’s interpretation of my sister is a little shaky, but with those tiny vocal cords, and the mouth I can’t even find, I’m really not surprised.

Technology scores first

Anyway, my son told me he could have my phone sing through the speakers in my car using its teeth, or tooth, or whatever, and then he made it happen. This was really cool. I could take phone calls in my car, and just talk. The folks on the line would hear me and I could hear them, in a beautiful confluence of technology and man. I don’t understand it, but you push a button, and it works. It’s a lot like the vacuum cleaner premise except the phone doesn’t suck. Come to think of it, it doesn’t clean carpets either, and no app I’ve found gets the dust out of the drapes at all. After a few moments thought, the phone and the vacuum aren’t very much alike at all. Forget I mentioned it.

After I was taking phone calls in my car for a few days my son hit me with another revelation. He told me that that the music in my phone could be played in my car as well. Who have thunk it? All this time I thought that was what the radio was for. He informed me the radio was passe. I could set up a play list of my favorite songs in the phone and when I got in the car, only my favorite music would play and not some crappy junk played over and over again.

Music to my ears

Well, I did as he said and I made a play list of my favorite Eighties tunes. The service I did it on was called Pandora. With a name like that I should have known I was in trouble. My phone became Pandora’s newest box, and I should’ve never opened it. The very first thing it told me was, to thank me for signing up for the free service. The second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, ad infinitum things were to ask me to buy the premium service which was ad free. The free service played one of my songs for every five ads. Another thing was that my playlist has a hundred-sixty-seven carefully selected songs on it. Pandora plays Def Leppard’s Pour Some Sugar On Me and C’Mon Eileen by Dexy’s Midnight Runners every ten minutes whether it needs to or not. Yes, I picked them as good songs, but they are not the only songs in the world. However, Pandora likes them so Pandora plays them. I went back to the radio. At least they repeat forty songs over and over, instead of two between the ads.

TV or not TV That is the question

Another thing about the internet I don’t understand is the television streaming services. When I grew up there was cable and satellite tv. Nobody liked it, but everybody bought it anyway, because it had lots of channels to choose from. Then a company called Netflix was born. You paid one monthly fee, and you could get all the movies you wanted. Of course, back then the movie was a disk sent to your house in the mail, but hey there were no commercials. Eventually Netflix went to online streaming and a bunch of other companies did the same.

The thing is, each of these companies is only one channel. Cable tv is going bye bye, in preference of all these individual channels each with their own price. So instead of paying one bill for the tv programs you’re not going to watch you have nine or ten smaller bills for even less stuff. This is the progress the internet has promised us, and delivered in spades. A while back Vice President Al Gore claimed he invented the internet. As I see it, I don’t think I’d be bragging about that. In fact, you don’t see Vinton Cerf, the guy who actually did invent it, jumping up and down. He just quietly hopes nobody notices him. I can relate.

I’ll Google that

Then there’s that powerful internet monster called Google. They call it a search engine, but it has no pistons or spark plugs. I’m sure it can be a lot of things, but an engine it is not. I know it’s accepted now, but Google is just a bad name. There used to be a search company called Yahoo. That name I understand. I mean if you actually find what you are searching for, you are bound to scream YAHOO!! Nobody’s going to get all happy and scream GOOGLE!! It’s just not gonna happen. It’s the same with Bing. Bing is a kind of cherry, or a crooner from the forties. If I’m searching for astronauts, I don’t want it come back, “Allen Sheppard, John Glenn… and cherries are good too.” I’m just saying.

Another thing is, Google has gotten so big that it’s now a verb. This is not new, but as a late adopter I missed it. I did question things a little when folks at work said they were going to Google the words to a song or something. I even heard, that people were Googling themselves. I ignored it. In my life I experience lots if weird things, so if you want to Google yourself, be and adult about it, keep it discreet, and don’t tell me.

Until Microsoft messes it all up

Of course, Microsoft had to screw everything up. They couldn’t be happy with people Googling everything. They created Bing to replace all that. I’ll tell you when it came to my inexperienced ears, this was quite different. Not understanding, when someone said they Googled, I just thought it was odd behavior. Then, last week, my son said he Binged two of his college professors, and was amazed at thier knowledge and abilities. Well, I had to put a stop to that. Sure, he’s an adult, but you don’t just go around Binging people in authority. It’s just not done. Then it was explained to me.

I’m so embarrassed!

Thank you for laughing and Please read a little longer

Thank you all for laughing with me, but I need to be serious. Alpha-1 Antitrypsin Deficiency is a genetic disease which rots the liver and lungs. There is no cure. The only help for people is to have a weekly infusion of proteins to stop the spread. For the next few months I will be taking all my proceeds and donating them to the Alpha-1 Foundation who are searching for a cure to this horrible malady. You can give here or for more information go to Alpha-1.org Thanks for supporting world laughter, and finding a cure. Laugh On

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17 thoughts on “If There’s A World Wide Web… I’d Hate To Meet That Spider!!

  1. 🤣 The other day I was trying to explain to my kids how we would got to a brick and mortar store to rent movies for the weekend. They both stared at me in unbelief. I should have told them to “google it” then yelled “Bing” when they landed on a picture of Blockbuster.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I tried binge-binging once but my google couldn’t take it.
    When I worked in a call center we had a very slow Saturday and I had an older lady call with a very unusual question that I didn’t have the answer to. She had an accent, either German or Yiddish, I’m not sure. When I told her I didn’t have the answer for her she said in hushed tones, “Do you know about ze Google? My sister has ze Google and ze Google knows everything. You must ask ze Google.”

    Liked by 3 people

      1. It’s because Go Ogle tracks you, learns how you think, and seeks to manipulate you; all in the pursuit of the Great God Profit.

        When Go Ogle arrived back in the days when advert-packed, sluggish search engines like AltaVista, Lycos and Webcrawler were around, I was so impressed with the clean, ad-free interface Go Ogle presented that I was a vocal advocate. But things change…

        Did you know that Go Ogle used to have a motto: “Don’t be evil”? A while back, a corporation called ‘Alphabet’ bought out Go Ogle, and, soon afterwards, that motto was quietly de-emphasised and sidelined. (Personally, I think they just removed the “Don’t”.)

        These days, I use DuckDuckGo instead of Go Ogle, as it doesn’t track me, so I don’t risk ending up in an echo chamber full of flat Earth believers.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. I’m mid-way between an ‘early adopter’ and a ‘johnnie-come-lately’, having learned at an early age that those who adopt early pay through the nose for the privilege – and then have to pay again, and again, and again, and again, if they want to keep up. Nowadays, I sit back, watching and waiting until [insert tech here] has matured a little bit and been beta-tested by all the must-have-it-now early adopters.

    Just call me an old fuddy-duddy. Or an ‘I’SeghIm if you prefer Klingon.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s true. But sometimes you’re given no choice. For instance, I’m currently on Windows 8.1, and that falls out of support this coming January, forcing an ‘upgrade’ if I want to remain safe on the Internet (and I do). I’ve already bought my installation disk for Windows10† (from eBuyer.com, not directly from micro$haft, to share the love) and am girding my loins to install it…

        not Windows11 (to give the early adopters more time to beta-test that!)

        Liked by 1 person

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