Being a parent is hard

As a parent I feel it is my duty to impart the wisdom I have gained upon my children. However, as a former child I’m fully aware, none of them are going to listen to me. That’s okay though. It’s all part of nature’s wonderful pattern. Children know everything, all the way up until they don’t. When that happens, they call dad to come find them on the side of the road, with the car in a ditch, and thirty friends standing around, all of whom, dad is supposed to take to a party, then three hours later go back to said party, and drive them all home.

By the way, no, I was not allowed to stay at the party, and my wife forbade me to go to a local establishment for a beer. So, it was either drive forty-three minutes home and back, or freeze in the car and wait. Everyone, except me, decided it was better to wait. Of course, none of them had to endure hypothermia, but hey democracy ruled the day, and I sat. That book is still frozen to my hands.

I also got the glorious gift of arranging, and paying for, having the car towed, and repaired. My son has to save his money for college expenses. I thought this would have been a perfect growing up moment for him to see how the world worked. Sadly, my wife argued that he’s only young once and I already know everything to do. She insisted he have fun at a party while my body temp fell to dangerous levels waiting in an icy rain for a tow truck. This is called parenting.

I would say, “My dad would have never put up with such a thing,” but the truth is, my mother would have probably said the exact same things to my dad, and he would have come to rescue me back in the day, so I guess I’m doing it right. Either that, or we’re all doing it wrong together. If I figure out which, I’ll let you know in a future post.

However ther are things whech can make it easier

Of course, this little tale of woe is not how I started out. I started saying I had wisdom to impart to the younger generation, and I really do. This wisdom is not for just regular teens. This is more for those folks who are starting a family. I’ve learned something, and feel it’s my duty to share it with the world. When you start having children of your own, I implore you not to take them to a doctor. Nay I say, you should instead take them to a veterinarian.

Some of you are probably ready to have me committed to an asylum, while others are just laughing in disbelief, but the truth is I’m totally sober and serious. I even have logical arguments to sustain my original hypothesis. That’s science talk for “I really, really mean it!”. No wonder scientists talk the way they do, it does sound a lot better.

The scientific method makes it sound official

First, I’ll give you my references. I now have three animals in my house, a medium sized dog, a cat, and a rabbit. My vet can take care of all these creatures. She recognizes the differences, and deals with all of them appropriately. Her patients never complain, and their owners love her.

A human doctor only deals with one species, and folks are constantly complaining about their care. My neighbor, Coco, has one small child, and is constantly wondering if her son’s doctor made the correct diagnosis. Sure, it looked like an ear infection. It had all the symptoms of an ear infection, but Google said it could be Contajunctanoffatosis. Which is far worse. And another thing, when you bring your kid home from a doctor, you expect that child to feel perfect right now. When a pet comes home from a vet, you give them several days to feel better. Take your kid to the vet, you trust them more and you give them more time.

Crate ’em up or not

Now, when I take my animals to the vet, it is totally acceptable to put them in a crate, give them a treat, put soft music on the radio and drive them smoothly to the office. This is totally wrong for the doctor. They frown on the whole crate and treat thing. I don’t know why? I would put hay in the bottom of the crate in case of an accident, but I can’t do that. If I could’ve just taken my children to the vet, that’s lots of fewer trips as well. Think about it, the rabbit needs shots, the baby needs shots. A needle is a needle. Do you see where I’m going here? One trip and I’m done.

Next up there’s a whole attitude difference. My kids are now older. When I take them to the doctor, the first thing she does is send me out of the room. She has to talk with them privately. I don’t like it, but can’t do anything about it. Wonderdog is now seventeen years old, and going strong. The lady vet never sends me out of the room. In fact, she usually wants me to stay, because the mutt is better behaved when I’m around. My kids might be as well. I guess I’ll never know, because of all those silly doctor laws.

Fun facts to know and tell

Here’s an interesting fact. Did you know that for a doctor to treat your kids they need to go to school for eight years? On the other hand, for a doctor to treat my dog, cat, and rabbit the need to be trained for twelve years. I don’t know about you, but I like that the doctor has that extra four years of training. I love Baby-Bun-Bun, but I love my daughter more. Even with all her faults. Now, I might send Cap’n Blood to the less trained doctor. Sadly, the pediatrician is smarter than I am, and won’t go near that stupid cat.

Remember, I’m only talking about using the vet for children. Vets have a nasty tendency of putting older animals “to sleep” and having reached a certain age where my children would probably be looking into that very service, I’m not making it any easier for them to push me out of the picture. It’s a lot harder to get this at a people doctor. Then again when the kid turns nineteen you have to get a different doctor anyway, so just switch offices then, and all’s fine.

A proper ending

The last thing about vets is; they will clip my cat’s claws. Capn’ Blood hates it, but who cares what she thinks? I’m alive today because of this one simple service. Babies scratch and bite, but I’m required to do this myself, then they scream when I do it wrong. That’s another thing. Their doctor is constantly sending me surveys, and they don’t even clip the nails. Whereas the vet does, and she send me discount coupons. Who’s better?

In conclusion, (more science talk) Vets are better in every way. In fact, I’m going to show this to my vet right away. I bet I’ll get a big discount for the endorsement!